Wednesday, November 22, 2006

it came apart, it will come back together

So, unknown to most, Jamie and I were expecting a kid. Based on the first ultrasound, which still hangs on the fridge, we'd taken to calling it "Dot". My pregnancy was going along pretty well. No morning sickness, just utter exhaustion and sore boobs. But for some reason, I don't know if I ever did commit myself to it entirely, mentally. I don't know if I trusted it, I guess. It took me so long to get pregnant, I don't think I could quite believe it at first. But over the past few weeks, I really started to embrace it, as much as I could. I guess tempered with a healthy dose of realism.

On Monday I woke up feeling crappy, had a cold. Then I started bleeding, lightly. I called my doctor. By the time Monday night rolled around, the bleeding was fairly steady and not as light. They sent me to a place Tuesday morning to have a sonagram. Despite the ongoing bleeding, my worst fears weren't realized. Surprisingly, not only was I still pregnant, but I could see how much the little thing had grown since the last ultrasound and, even better, I could see the heartbeat and it was strong and healthy. So, I came home and talked to my doctor again. He scheduled me to come in to the office Wednesday morning (today).

Then late yesterday afternoon the bleeding got worse. Around 7:30 I started having contractions and by 9pm, I was no longer pregnant. I think I've spent more time in my not so tidy little bathroom in the past 24 hours than I ever thought possible. But never in a million years did I envision standing in my bathroom, holding an embryo in my hand. An embryo which I then had to put in a bag and take to the doctor with me, for potential chromosome testing.

I'm an emotional person and the hormonal stuff that's been going on certainly doesn't make it easier, but I do have a sense of tranquility about this. I know that if this specific kid was meant to be, I would have carried it to term. I'll be grateful when the immediate nature of this fades a bit; when the physical pain stops and I can start thinking about it from a different angle, instead of constant twisting in my gut, sharp pains and having to wear what I can only describe as a ladydiaper.

For an added layer of wierdness, yesterday was our 3rd wedding anniversary.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Home to Ohio

Jamie and I went to Ohio last week to visit my family and celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday. At the party, one of her oldest friends, Bea, came and they caught up with each other. Bea is 96 years old and rather fiesty. The Amish restaurant where we ate had each place set with a different flavor of pie. Upon sitting down, Bea pulled a "What in the world could that be?", pointed in the opposite direction, and swapped her pie for someone else's. Love it! My grandma is the lovely silver haired lady on the right.

Later, Grandma and I did a StoryCorps interview.

And these are my parent's dogs. For perspective, the "little" dog in the second picture is actually a 60 pound standard poodle.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Heather's Halloween Birthday Bash!

After putting out a woman's flaming hair. Hallelujah!

Super Conductor & the Rev.
Everyone's favorite EskiHo.
Father Referee, Professor Chaos & H.I. McDonough.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Arlo & Lobstie

I was a sensitive child

When I was a little girl, I watched Snoopy Come Home one night when it came on tv. I think I was about 4 years old. If you don't remember the plot of that one, it was basically that Snoopy found out that his original owner, before Charlie Brown, was sick and he decided to go to her. So he left Charlie Brown. Charlie was really, really sad. And I was inconsolable, hysterical actually. I couldn't believe Snoopy could do that to poor Charlie Brown.

So right now on Cartoon Network, they are showing Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown. It's based around the Peanuts gang being in a raft race at summer camp when a big storm causes them all to get lost, thinking the others are hurt or dead. Snoopy and Woodstock have their own raft and they get sent ass over teakettle, losing each other. At one point during the storm, it looks like they are both going to drown. I remember seeing this one when I was closer to 9 or 10; old enough to not take it so seriously. But I don't really think I can be comfortable with any little, little kid of mine watching a movie where everyone almost drowns and gets stranded in the woods!

filled with rage

So I went to the Post Office on 9th Street. Get in line. 25 minutes later, only one customer has been moved ahead. They only have 2 windows open. There are about 14-15 people in line, 5 of which are ahead of me. After 25 minutes of standing there, this employee starts yelling through the plexiglass at me. "Miss, Miss. There's no dogs here"(Arlo was with me). It took everything I had in me not to say, "no, you fucking moron. Obviously there is a dog here. You're looking at him, you uneducated, power hungry douchebag.". But instead I mumbled " I hate this fucking place", to which another line stander responded "Amen to that."