Wednesday, November 09, 2005

How much snark can a sassmouth snark.....

My husband is hiring for a new position at his work, so I sent an e-mail outlining my qualifications:
"Qualifications: I can harvest the energy of the sun and create an atomic force out of my own bottom. A force that can clear a room."

His reply which I rec'd today:

Dear Snarkface,
Thank you for your sassy interest in the position with Solar One. Your
resume for has been received and will be reviewed and laughed at in the
coming days. Those candidates that we feel best meet our needs will be
contacted for interviews once a schedule can be set - this does not apply to
you, monkey-butt. Sorry for the impersonal nature of this reply - we're not
some mega-corp. with a bunch of form letters but we are strapped for time,
so stop wasting ours and go apply for something that you're qualified for
like cleaning up after an elephant or something. Rest assured that we will
be giving consideration to each applicant that is not you and that when you
aren't chosen for an interview, it's because you are a terrible person who
is unworthy of love. Best of luck.

The love knows no bounds.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

A Play in One Act

idiot woman on phone: i need a(n) order for wednesday
me: today is wednesday. do you mean next wednesday?
iw: no this wednesday.
me: that's today. do you need something messengered over today?
iw: no, WEDNESDAY!
me: today is wednesday. wednesday nov. 2nd.
iw: oh. then tomorrow i guess.
me: what can i get you?
iw: a round table.
me: what size?
iw: you know, whatever's normal.
me: how many people do you need to seat?
iw: 150.
me: how many at each table?
iw: i don't know. (aside to her idiot co-worker)--what size table?
iw: 140
me: 140 what?
iw: 140 inches
me: we don't make an 11 1/2 foot round table.
iw: can i talk to someone else?
me: of course!

she proceeds to torture 2 others in my department with her relentless stupidity.