Clockwatchers

in your face, Brooklyn cobbler!

2008-10-27T22:01:00.003-04:00

As you may recall, I had a really annoying experience with a neighborhood cobbler last fall. The end result was that I was without my favorite shoes aka the most comfortable shoes I have ever owned. And to add disappointment to distress, Aerosoles, the makers of said shoes, discontinued the shoe, so that was that. Until now! A friend of mine who also owned and loved the same shoes has discovered that Aerosoles has brought the shoe back, albeit with an unfortunate name. But who cares? It's not like I walk around saying, "Hey, what do you think of my Squish N Chips?" And yes, they really are now calling it the Squish N Chips. Whatever! I just bought them in black and later I will buy them in brown, to replace both pairs of my beloved Squish N Chips. Say it again. Squish N Chips! Whatchoosay? Squish N Chips!

For all my friends having munchkins

2008-10-25T23:47:00.003-04:00

Please, please, please consider these for Halloween costumes:

who has a birthday coming up?

2008-09-13T01:46:00.003-04:00

Cause this is what you're getting:

a very New York-y week

2008-09-12T12:09:00.002-04:00

This week I had two wonderful experiences-the sort that remind me why I spend so much money to live here.

On Tuesday night Jamie and I got tickets to see Elvis Costello at the Apollo Theatre. My friend Patrick won them on Myspace and put them in our name since he lives in Florida- thanks Patrick! It was not a concert, but a television show taping. Elvis has a new program called Spectacle with Elvis Costello that can be described as a mix between Austin City Limits and Inside the Actor's Studio for musicians. A bit like Jules Holland. All shows are taped at the Apollo and consist of interviews and perfomances and a group performance at the end. The taping we went to was She & Him, Jenny Lewis and Jakob Dylan. I like the She & Him album and thought they were fine on the show, albeit a little blah. Elvis obviously had a lot of respect for Jenny Lewis and her songwriting. I thought she was the strong point, musically, of the guests. I'm still not sure how I feel about her. Sometimes I really like her, but sometimes she seems as much like an actress as a singer---a little too camera-ready and stagey for my taste. But she sounded really good and held her own. Jakob Dylan was doing music from his new solo album and it was alright too. Not really my taste, but certainly not bad. You could tell that he and Elvis had known each other for a long time because they had a very easy rapport and seemed to enjoy each other's company a lot. The best parts of the interviews were the random asides and stories that Elvis told. And I loved that he still has Pete Thomas drumming with him with the added bonus of Pete's daughter Tennessee, who is also a drummer. Something so great about the father-daughter drumming duo.

The highlight of the night was definitely when everyone came out together at the end and performed with Elvis on Peace, Love & Understanding. I got completely choked up like the hippy that I am at heart. Maybe that should be Obama's campaign song.

On Wednesday afternoon I went to a cooking demo at my alma mater, FCI. It was a pastry demo by Jacques Pepin and I was in heaven. I love Jacques Pepin and when I was in culinary school there, he was always accessible and ready to dispense advice and information. I was en route to the school library one day to do research on a sugar project and I ran into him in the hall (he is a dean at the school). He struck up a conversation, asked a few questions about my project and ended coming to the library with me! He led me to multiple books and sat down at the table with me, sharing knowledge and making suggestions. It was amazing for me, to say the least. And in recent years, Jamie and I love to watch his show on PBS, Fast Food My Way. Also, they've been showing his old show from the 80's lately, which is the best. Fast Food is recipe based, but his old program, The Complete Pepin, which focuses on technique.

The demo was great because he is so personable and talented. My friend Kat and I were in the second row (although there is no bad seat in the "stadium") and had a great view of everything. He interacts with everyone the entire, encouraging questions, telling stories. I plan on going to his future demos (and am not quite sure why I haven't been doing more of this since I left school) since I really want to see him do savory. After the demo, I apporached him to have him sign my 2 cookbooks of his and he looked at me and said "You look familiar." Gaa! No way he reconized me, but I told him how we had met and interacted all those years ago and he said "That must be it." All and all, a great week.

do you need help little man?

2008-08-30T21:00:00.003-04:00

I never saw when this was originally on Scare Tactics, but I've watched the clip from it numerous times. It's pee my pants funny, I swear. The gist of it is that they took a very sweet PETA guy who was working for a temp agency and had him go to a lab where they do animal research. The most mean spirited and hilarious stuff follows:

the construction site in my mouth

2008-08-13T14:10:00.002-04:00

This morning I went in for my root canal and it didn't quite go as planned. The other root canal I had to have 2 years ago involved only one root and took about 30 minutes tops. That was certainly not the case today. After the dentist got my mouth numbed, he began what ended up being an hour and half long process. I now know why this whole mess began though. Turns out there is a crack in my tooth! He said it could have happened from something as simple as popcorn, but that however it began, it is what caused the infection. It is also why I ended up having to have 3 root canals today, instead of one. Unfortunately, because of the crack they may not be able to do the post and crown that I have scheduled for next week. He said it's a 50/50 chance that they will be able to do it and preserve the tooth. There is a chance that if they can drill around the tooth to prepare it for the crown and the tooth doesn't simply fall apart at the crack line, then the crown may serve the function of holding the tooth together. If they cannot do it, I will have to have the tooth extracted and have a 3 tooth bridge put in. Which will cost 1500 hundred bucks. *ggrrr* Why can't it ever be easy?

i was an anti-dentite

2008-07-23T14:23:00.002-04:00

My ongoing dental saga continues, but finally with positive results. My sinus infection that just kept giving, eventually pushing onto the nerve of my tooth, seems to have been squashed, or so I hope. But it left in its wake a tooth that now needs to have a root canal, a post and a crown. *sigh*

I have no desire to return to the Russian sadist in Bensonhurst, as much for inconvenience as sadism. The last dental office I went to wasn't even a real dentist's office. Not to say that it was a converted Mr. Softee truck, but it was actually more of a clinic. You could only see the dentist one day a week and you couldn't make an appointment, you just had to show up and take your chances. And they were recommended to me by my insurance. Thanks Aetna! I've been calling many different dentists trying to find someone, to no avail. The responses I was getting ranged from "We no longer accept Aetna." to "We no longer accept any insurance." to "We accept insurance, but are not seeing new patients." Eventually my friend suggested I call 1-800-DENTIST and lo! I got an appointment with a convenient dentist that has a lab on site, so I don't have to fuss too much with the whole post and crown issue.

I had my first appointment today with the full mouth x-rays, figuring it all out, etc. Yes, everything can be done in their office in a short, reasonable timespan. But the best part is the cost. I had to pay almost $1,900 out of pocket when I had the same procedure done with the Russian sadist 2 years ago. This whole thing is going to cost me $925 bucks total. Um, yeah. That's a huge difference! I just can't believe the way dental care and procedures can vary from office to office. But I remember one of the things I hated about the Russian sadist was the way she was always trying to upsell me with whitening systems and whatnot while I was trapped with her hand in my mouth.

I don't remember having such difficulties finding a good dentist in Ohio. All dentist's offices were kind of similar there: clean, quiet, sterile. I just haven't found that to be true here. I remember when the Williamsburg Savings Bank building was loaded with dentists, before it was sold for condos. I tried to get in to 2 of those dentists a few years ago and neither accepted insurance. Is this a trend?

hey, it exists!

2008-07-03T19:24:00.003-04:00

Of course it does. I had once mentioned to Jamie that I wish there was a website where I can plot my various walks to see exactly how much I walk at a particular time, without wearing a pedometer. I then promptly forgot about this wish until tonight. But I just remembered it and found exactly what I am looking for on Prevention Magazine's website.

Last year my mother-in-law and I did a virtual walking challenge thing where we wore a pedometer for 6 or 8 weeks and walked a "virtual" route around the US. It was a really lame fitness challenge though because I wanted it to show me actual sights and things along my chosen route, which was the Gulf of Mexico. Instead I would enter my daily steps walked and a dotted line would travel across a map. Lame. And anyway, living in NYC and working in a bookstore, I average 16,000-18,000 steps per day and I finished my entire route in less than 4 weeks. But now I have a pedometer for when and if I absolutely must know how far I'm walking. And according to Prevention's website, today I walked just under 6 miles, not including Arlo's morning walk and all of the random walking around the house.

And speaking of Arlo, I just picked him up from the groomer and he's sporting a dashing new summer haircut. But of course, on the walk home he had to go and spoil the look. At the first intersection he decided to sit his white, white butt on the filthy sidewalk and scoot along. So now he's nice and white with a nasty, gray butt. Ruiner.

good things today, despite the heat

2008-07-03T13:39:00.004-04:00

I got my new driver's license in the mail today and finally (!) I have a license picture that I am not ashamed of, even happy to have! When I went many years ago to get my DL, I wasn't looking too good that day and the woman behind the camera was frustrating me beyond belief. I wear my glasses all the time and she insisted that I remove them for the photo. I protested, she got pissed off and insisted again that I remove my glasses. The person at the camera directly next to me was having his photo taken with his glasses on and when I pointed this out, it just pissed her off even more and she threatened to make me leave. So my previous DL picture was one of sarcastic surprise, sans spectacles.

This time around, my hair looked cute, I wore lipstick and the woman didn't hassle me about my glasses. And it's a good picture. Yay!

I've had 2 days off, in fairly good health, giving me an opportunity to get a lot of things done that have been languishing on my "For Christ's Sake, Kaci, Just Fucking Get It Done Already" list.
-Lug large quanity of coins to bank
-Take Arlo to the groomer, which helps solve....
-Removing disgusting amounts of animal hair everywhere
-Clean out fridge
-Listen to records
-Color hair a more shocking shade of red (why not?!)

Along the listening to records line: I have a friend who has a tendency to come home late at night after a few cocktails and listen to a particular album, song or artist over and over and over again. That's basically what I've been doing the past 2 days, minus the cocktails. I've listened to Cat Stevens' Firecat and the Teaser at least 15 times. Right now I'm listening to Xanadu (just once, but it had to be done while Jamie's at work.....it might be a deal breaker) and I'm going into a repeat performance of Richard and Linda Thompson's Shoot Out the Lights.

And going in to the holiday weekend, Jamie and I both have to work on the 4th proper, but I will be off early enough to head to Jersey City for my friend's barbecue. Saturday night we will be going to see our friend John's band play and if you've never been , the M Shanghai String Band is one of the best live bands I've ever seen. They play the first Saturday of each month at M Shanghai restaurant in Williamsburg, in an wonderful intimate basement space. John is one of the 2 banjo players, joining guitar, mandolin, stand up bass, saw, 2 fiddles, harmonica and multi-part harmonies. It's a foot-stomping good time and you should definitely check them out sometime. The first time I went to see them play they had a guy playing with them on the mandolin and after the show John introduced us to each other. His name was Tommy, he was older, very nice and great on the mandolin. Nice to meet you Tommy. The next day John emailed me and all it said was "You have no idea who you met, do you?" Um, nope. Turns out Tommy is Tommy Ramone. Dar! So yeah. And the bass player is Rose Thomson from Babe the Blue Ox, who was one of my favorite bands in my early 20's. Oh, and M Shanghai the restaurant has incredibly delicious food upstairs, so check it out!

for my birthday I got....

2008-06-26T12:10:00.002-04:00

another painful sinus infection and a trip to the DMV!! I feel like the luckiest girl in the world!

I could have renewed my driver's license my mail, but then I'd be stuck with that horrible picture for 8 more years and I couldn't have that. And I could continue to ignore the stabbing pain that doesn't allow me to rest at night for more than 4 hours at a stretch, but then I'd run the risk of infecting my brain, gifting my husband with an invalid wife who has lost all her sass. Couldn't have that either. So, I'm off to the doctor for loads of antibiotics to kill all of the bad and good that lives within my body. On the plus side, my boss is bringing me some probiotic cheese and milk tomorrow to help balance the icky.

311 is (hopefully not) a joke

2008-06-22T21:22:00.003-04:00

There are a fair number of dogs that live on my block and all of the owners are responsible, until now. There is a building at the end of our block that often has people hanging out on the stoop. It's normal to see very small children hanging out there at midnight and later. Recently one of the tenants got a pit bull and named her Barbara. Within days of first seeing Barbara, piles of poop began appearing on the block, mostly on our side of the street, which is the same side as theirs. At first I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt, that perhaps they actually were cleaning up after the dog and the poop was the result of someone from some other block. But no, this is not the case at all. Some days there will be poop strewn half way down the block.

I'm not really sure what to do. One of our neighbors put up a 'curb your dog' sign, but it doesn't make a difference, obviously. So I decided to call 311 and see what can be done. I'm a big fan of 311 and the woman I dealt with this time was very helpful. She explained that the Department of Sanitation handles the pooper scooper laws and she would file a complaint for me. She needed to know where it happens and when it happens. Um, when? All the time! Apparently when these complaints are filed, they send a DoS person out to try to catch the culprit. Really? So I told her between 4-6pm because that particular day it happened in front of my house in that time frame. But seriously, how is a DoS rep supposed to catch someone not picking up their dog's poop? What if someone on our block caught them and took a picture? She wasn't sure if it would fly, but they can find out for me.

Jamie suggested we gather up all of the vile poop (maybe we could combine it with all of Arlo's) and leave it on their stoop. I actually think this is the way to go. Maybe if my other dog owning neighbors covertly did the same thing, we could prove a point. If I could just actually catch it happening I would say something, but until then, they're probably going to be greeted with a porch full of poop.

now that's how to spend a day

2008-06-18T16:18:00.003-04:00

I had to go down to my old neighborhood, Dyker Heights (Dykah) today to pick up Arlo's thyroid medicine. Usually when we head down there to go to the vet's office, we hit a few of our favorite food stops. I usually pick up lard bread at Mona Lisa Bakery on 13th Avenue (they also have an amazing gelato shop on 86th Street) and fresh mozzarella on 15th Avenue.

Today I took the train down to 86th Street to stop in to the Bay Ridge Century 21. I'm in serious need of tennis shoes and bras and they always have the best, most affordable selection. My bra situation has been pretty dire lately. I've been buying simple bras at Target, which really has served me well until lately. For reasons that I can't understand, it's as if my ever powerful nipples have begun to devour my bra cups, from the center out. As a result, my bras have become worn through where it most counts and I'm left feeling rather vulnerable. I know I could go to one of the many great "ladies support" shops in NYC and find an amazing bra that will really do the trick, but an outlay of 80-100 bucks for a bra is neither feasible or sane on my salary. Which brings me to Century 21. They have a great selection whenever I go there and the absolute ceiling is usually around 25 bucks a bra, though most are much less. I found a great pair of Adidas sneakers and 3 sturdy, but attractive bras (see, they're practical and alluring) for 65 dollars, so I'm happy.

The second part of my solo Bay Ridge ritual is an ice cream soda (or a float, as it's called in Ohio) while sitting at the counter of Hinsch's restaurant on 5th Avenue and 86th Street. They used to make a walnut ice cream that was divine, but apparently they haven't made it in over a year. So I got the coffee ice cream with chocolate syrup and seltzer. Perfect and simple.

Then I hopped on the bus to head over to 13th Avenue, where the vet's office is. The past few times I've been down there I've been stopping in a bakery called Goldstar, instead of Mona Lisa. The cookie selection is bigger and the service is nicer. Mona Lisa definitely wins for breads, but for cookies, I prefer Goldstar. Today I picked up almond crescents, vanilla crescents and fresh iced lemon drops (my favorite!). I stuck them in my bag, stopped in to pick up the doggy medicine and headed down to 15th Avenue for the mozzarella.

There are 2 main places on 15th Avenue between 78th and 79th. Laticini's and Papa Pasquale's. Laticini's has a meat store and sandwich shop and Papa's is a little more bare bones, with the focus just on pasta and cheese. I'm not sure who makes Papa Pasquale's mozzarella, but I tend to buy from them more often, simply because the old guy who works the counter always calls me dear, without being creepy or condescending. But Papa's is definitely the place to buy fresh pasta, particularly ravioli. I've had the pumpkin, lobster, 5 cheese and the asparagus with smoked mozzarella, all delicious. Today I just picked up a simple 3 cheese mini ravioli and some fresh mozzarella. I then got to thinking that it might be a good idea to compare the mozzarellas from Papa's and Laticini's, so I went to the latter and picked up a small ball of their fresh cheese. When Jamie gets home tonight we'll do a taste test. My train stop used to be the D train at 79th Street and 17th Avenue, so I passed these places every day. Not living in the neighborhood anymore is no excuse to not come down here to pick up such delicious local food.

I then wandered over to my old train stop to discover that there was no Manhattan bound service at all, so I had to take Coney Island bound service and transfer at Stillwell. Obviously the universe was telling me to go ride the Cyclone. After all, it is almost my birthday and I used to go ride the Cyclone solo for my birthday every year. Coincidentally, I share my birthday with the Cyclone. To Coney. So I get to Coney and I remembered that they had raised the price of a ride, but I was pretty sure I had like 7 bucks on me, so it wouldn't be a problem. But when I get there, it costs 8 dollars to ride. Oh no! I started rummaging in my bag for loose change, eventually finding a dollar's worth of coins. Whheeeee! I get myself right up front (not hard to do on a Wednesday afternoon in mid-June) and laugh my head off, as it should be.

All is well in Brooklyn.

exhausted, satisfied

2008-06-10T21:28:00.003-04:00

Wow. It has been such a busy 3 weeks, I don't even know where to begin. The X/Detroit Cobras show was amazing, but really deserves its own post, mostly because of the disturbing antics of Billy Zoom. More later.

The Outer Banks were beautiful and truly relaxing. Same group we've gone down with before, only a bit smaller and with 4 children in tow. Since we all had our own bedrooms, bathrooms and decks, I never felt anything less than at home. The weather was gorgeous, my sunburn true to form (tops of feet, tops of boobs).

I made a short trip to South Carolina to visit with my dad and step-mother. The weather there was not so forgiving. Hot, humid, miserable. Similar to what we've been dealing with here in NYC, only nicer. That's a pathetic statement. When central SC has nicer summertime weather than wherever you happen to be, there is something very wrong with your choice of location.

So I came back from SC and went back to work at the bookstore. On the Upper East Side. Of hell. I thought some time away would make that neighborhood and that store more palatable, but no such luck. Catered a wedding in Prospect Park, in the non air conditioned picnic house on Saturday. Got so nauseous from the heat and the milk in my iced coffee that I almost threw up. Huzzah!

Which brings me to now. I just got back from Bobolink Dairy in Vernon, NJ. Jamie had met one of the owners at an event at Solar 1 and he had heard that they were looking for someone to sell cheese at the greenmarkets at Lincoln Center and Union Square three days a week. I called and spoke with Nina, the owner and arranged to come out there. She called my references, etc, etc and after meeting, she offered me the position. I am really excited about it because there was such a comfortable and familiar vibe out at the farm and in her house. I've never seen a person/family stretched in so many different directions and still managing to create a wholesome, delicious product, treat people, animals and the environment so humanely and raise her children with complete patience, humor and love. The people living and working at the farm were a real pleasure to be around also. The hope is to eventually be able to spend one day a week at the farm, learning more about raising the animals and making the cheese. We (my friend Kat graciously ditched work for the afternoon and drove me out there. Thanks Kat!) were given a mini tour of the pastures, the cheesehouse, the bakeyard, one of the cheese caves and the main house. They also raise pigs and meat cows and chickens and there were some new baby heritage breed chickens that we fell in love with. At one point we were walking down a quiet pasture adjacent lane when we stumbled upon and startled a groundhog, causing it to literally shriek at us. I had no idea a groundhog could make the noise this one made. And then a minute later we finally found the shady spot where the small herd of 7 pigs were lounging. They immediately started grunting when they saw us and then, after we had walked a good distance ahead, they flat out ran after us. Apparently they hoped we had a bucket of whey. Sorry pigs.

I'll be at Lincoln Center on Thursdays and Saturdays and Union Square on Fridays. Stop by and buy some of the most delicious cheese you'll ever taste! Hurray! Back with food but in a totally new and different way.

another day in paradise

2008-05-22T16:19:00.002-04:00

I seriously need to get the hell out of Dodge. I'm waiting for Jamie to get home with the rental car so we can hit the road and I took Arlo out for a spin around the block. As we were walking down the street and he's meandering along, sniffing for sidewalk snacks, a livery car driver chucks a cup of coffee out of his car window. I shout "Nice! Thanks a lot!" and pick up the cup and chuck it back at his car. In my fantasy it sails back in his open driver's side window, dousing him in old coffee. In reality, it hit the closed back door window and bounced off. But it did alert him to my action enough for him to shout "Stupid fucking cunt!".

Whatever. In a few short hours I'll be listening to the sweet, sweet sounds of John, Exene, Billy and DJ.

i need a vacation from the vacation i'm planning

2008-05-19T19:12:00.002-04:00

We've both been really busy lately and I haven't really had much time to buy things/do things/sleep. I had to go after work today to Target to pick up sunblock, toothpaste, etc and as much as I didn't want to, I knew I needed to look for a bathing suit. I've had the same suit for about 6 or 7 years and I like it, but it doesn't fit very well anymore (define fit? it's not supposed to look like a two piece, but it does). This is my own fault, as I've gained quite a bit of weight in recent years. *sigh* I'm working on it, but goddammit I love food. Anyway.

I've been feeling kind of blue lately, kind of like things just aren't really going my way. And I'm not entirely sure that this vacation will do the trick, although I'm willing to give it a try. To add to the blue, I knew I was going to have to take my fat butt somewhere to get a swimsuit and I've been dreading it like a freaking Cathy cartoon come to life. Not willing to spend a lot of money on something that I will not be wearing for more than a season (I swear), Target and Old Navy were my best options. Target ended up having some good choices, but as usual, they were horribly picked over. I ended up finding 2 separates that don't really go together, but I guess I like them both alright. Whatever. I'm just glad that's over with. Ack indeed.

yet another only in new york thing

2008-05-17T20:11:00.003-04:00

Our apartment is exactly one block away in both directions from two 4th Avenue funeral homes. It took me a while when I first moved to NYC to get used to having to walk through funerals/wakes while I was coming home from work, the store or walking the dog. I always just try to walk quickly, keep my head down and not let the dog dawdle. Tonight Jamie and I were walking with the dog to the grocery and had to walk past one of the funeral homes (which incidentally has a placard out front with the name of the funeral director, which is Doris V. Amen). Apparently we got there just as what I can only assume were friends of the deceased were trying to haul a loaded casket onto a gurney out on the sidewalk. Four years I've lived here and I've never actually seen the comings and goings of the bodies--the funeral homes are exceptionally discrete. This however was not the doing of the funeral home; these folks were in casual wake-style clothes and seemed to be cracking up. At one point we heard one of them say "I don't think it's (the casket) going to fall off, but it's definitely not stable."

I apparently froze in my tracks, at which point Jamie prodded me on. Our comments to each other:

Jamie: I can't believe your first instinct was to turn around and run away.
Me: It's bad luck just seeing that kind of thing.

Anyone remember what movie that's from?

the elevator rat

2008-05-17T18:50:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I finally saw something hilarious and noteworthy at work. And let me say, it's about damn time. That part of town positively stinks of humorlessness.

Here's the set up: My new store has an elevator. The elevator is to shuttle customers with strollers to the second floor cafe and take employees to the basement receiving area and break room. It's only 2 floors plus a basement. Yesterday, during yet another nasty day long rainstorm, my co-worker Terri, a very likable and straightforward woman, took the elevator from the basement to the first floor. When the elevator door opened and she went to step off onto the first floor an enormous New York City street rat got on the elevator as she was getting off. The elevator door closed behind her, with the rat still inside, and headed up to the second floor cafe. At this point Terri bolted up the escalator to beat the thankfully slow elevator. The last thing anyone wanted was to have the elevator doors open into the cafe and have a giant rat stroll out.

She managed to beat the elevator and immediately pressed the down button to send the elevator to the basement receiving area. I was in the basement with a maintenance guy and one other person when the speaker phone starts screaming "The elevator's coming down with a gigantic rat on it! DO NOT let the elevator come back upstairs!" Um, sure. With little time to plan an attack, Tony the maintenance guy grabbed the only things he could find- a handheld shopping basket and a metal shelf. He turned the basket onto its side in hopes of trapping the rat (because of course it's going to run into the basket, not around it) and I suppose the shelf was for shooing or bashing. The three of us waited outside of the elevator for the doors to open and when they did we saw what was indeed a gigantic, rain soaked and frankly confused looking rat standing there. Tony panicked and whacked the rat with the shelf, at which point it bounced and fell right down into the gap, down the elevator shaft.

Anyone who knows me knows I have loved rats before and will probably welcome them into my home again someday. This however was exceptionally funny. It was like something out of a freaking movie! It actually reminded me of when pigeons accidentally make their way onto a subway car, momentarily bonding the people in that car as they scurry away from the pigeon to avoid being shat upon. And speaking of being shat upon, the elevator rat managed to leave a parting gift of a couple of proportionately gigantic turds in the corner of the elevator.

oh dear

2008-05-11T18:59:00.000-04:00

I did not need to know what a good, trashy time Gossip Girl is.

how will I ever sleep between now and then??!!

2008-05-09T15:29:00.003-04:00

It isn't very often that I want to go to a concert these days. It seems like even when I'm seeing someone I really like, I'm not enjoying myself the way I used to. I loved all Guided by Voices shows, right up to the very end, but with that exception, there always seems to be something a bit disappointing. Neko Case has an incredible voice live, but her shows seem to be lacking in a certain energy and it makes them feel a little sloggy. The last time I saw the Shins I really enjoyed it, but I suspect that was also because of the healthy amount of heckling that Chris Larry was throwing toward the stage. It could also be that my musical tastes have morphed into something a little less indie, but these acts continue to play indie venues. It's pretty boring to stand there at a Laura Cantrell show when the first 2 rows of fans have decided to sit on the floor of the Bowery Ballroom.

However, I recently learned that my favorite band from high school, X, and my favorite band of late, the Detroit Cobras are playing together at the end of the month. It took me a solid 10 minutes to wrap my brain around that nugget of info and pull myself together enough to figure out how the hell I'm going to go to that show, since it happens to take place when I'm supposed to be in the Outer Banks. I mean, really, I probably want to go to a concert once a year, I mean really, really want to go. And what's the thing that I do even less frequently than go to concerts? Go on vacation. So our first scheduled vacation that does not involve family obligations or ill relatives or friends' weddings in three years and it's when X is playing (with the original line-up----Billy Zoom!!!)!?!?! WTF?

My brain was working overtime on the train last night as I was trying to come up with a solution. Why must the Outer Banks be so damn inaccessible? Why am I 35 and just now getting the chance to see the original line-up of the world's greatest band? I happened to have a couple of Detroit Cobras albums on my ipod and I kept getting caught up in Hey Sailor and Midnight Blues and my mind just got to the point where it was not thinking clearly at all ie, I can rent a car and drive myself to the Outer Banks after the show (totally disregarding the fact that I hate to drive and am terrible with directions and am pretty sure I don't have a money tree growing in my living room). But somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that Jamie would come up with some solution. He's a problem solver, that one. Unlike me, the problem creator.

When I got home and presented this new wrench in our vacation plans, I could see his wheels turning. You see, he understands how rare it is for me desperately want to go to a show. Or even to kind of want to go to a show. A little while after I had begun to lose hope, he points out that the NY show is sold out, but that they are playing on that Thursday in Philly, which is not sold out. What's wrong with Philadelphians? Who cares!!!! We're going to the Philly show!!!! We're heading down that direction anyway on Friday to go to NC, so we'll just leave a day early and spend one night in Philly. Hurray! I'm so excited. I hope we get to have dinner at Monk's--their Monk's Flemish Sour Ale is divine!

from the debris pile

2008-05-04T16:32:00.002-04:00

When my coworker and I were the only ones left at our old store, just overseeing the demo crew, we found a little notebook in one of the piles of crap. In a stroke of luck, it was the notebook of the psuedo-priest that I've written of previously and it's from 1997. It's basically a daily log of the goings-on in the store and with the staff that he was then supervising. Some excerpts:

July 1, 1997
Summary of Evening
With only myself, Leigh and Jeff the night was a disaster. As per info, double and triple shifts of art customer service, as every zone was short of staff. Resort was constant and most difficult to keep up with. While attempting to maintain calm, everyone was indeed highly stressed. Leigh, myself and Jeff were constantly attempting to keep up and shelve resort in as much as was humanly possible.
p.s. Hourly checks were done but for the most part was fruitless under these extreme conditions.
[Um, keep in mind, this was a BOOKSTORE]

July 6, 1997
Epilogue
It appears that Candace is making a good attempt to curtail her talking and playfulness. She also explained that due to medication withdrawal she has been experiencing periods of nervous energy.

July 8, 1997
Perhaps I should give a staff seminar dealing with stress reduction, handling personality problems, good interpersonal relations and work ethics. Yes-good idea!

Wow. Nice find.

terrifying potential new development

2008-04-30T20:33:00.005-04:00

Last night my boss called me and asked, "What do you think of kids?" Unfortunately, he wasn't speaking in a hypothetical way. There is serious talk of putting me in the kids department. On one hand, I know I would likely learn a lot, since it is the number one kids department in the country. However I fear the price would be my sanity and/or my desire to be a mother. The staff in that department is extremely knowledgeable about kids' books, but their primary skill (aside from being barely glorified child wranglers) is an ability to say the right things in the right way to high strung parents. "Is little Taylor reading at level?" instead of "Is little Taylor a dullard?" Pray for me.

next year's christmas card?

2008-04-29T13:06:00.003-04:00

This was taken at a wedding in Colorado two summers ago and, as you can see, it was a magical time. We couldn't have better planned the picture that has since been dubbed, The Retard Orchestra Conductor. Thanks Neal.

new store, new weirdness

2008-04-28T20:46:00.002-04:00

I started at my new store uptown today. I think it's going to take quite a while to feel comfortable there. In all there were maybe 4 or 5 people who were friendly and helpful. A few were cordial, but kept their distance. And there were about 4 or 5 who were overtly hostile, aka, "Hi, I'm Clockwatcher. Nice to meet you." " I know who you are." So, yeah. They all know that there are big changes in the works and like many people, they are very resistant to change. They also know that I was a manager that now has no home and I'm waiting to be moved back into my position. This is going to be a long month or two.

On the plus side, I'm thrilled to be back around the books. It was a drag to not know what was new and not be able to check out any book I wanted to read. One of the first things I did today was check out a new biography about Carole King, Joni Mitchell and Carly Simon. Joni's Blue and Carole's Tapestry tend to outshine a lot of Carly's stuff, but I can never turn my back on the woman who wrote You're So Vain.

Oh, another thing about this store is it's our number one kids department in the country. As I told Jamie, it's like a toddler shitstorm is passing through at any given time. There were at least 35-50 toddlers hobbling around the kids department whenever I looked over. Every now and then one of them would escape and their negligent nanny wouldn't notice. That's when I get to go up to the slippery little sucker and say something like, "Where is your grown-up/adult/probably underpaid, but still inexcusably slacking caregiver?" *sigh*

life imitating art

2008-04-13T21:09:00.002-04:00

Junot Diaz recently was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for fiction for his novel, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. If you haven't read it yet, I'd recommend you do so as soon as you can. I read a load of books last year, but I didn't read anything quite like this. It's the story of a nerdy, obese Dominican immigrant in New York as he grows up and goes to college, while also telling the tale of his sister and his mother. The story is set both in the DR and NYC and despite being filled with horror and violence, actually comes off as a comedy. I only wish I spoke fluent Spanish because the book is littered with Dominican slang that I'm sure would be funnier if I understood more than just the proper definitions. Oscar Wao is notable for many things, but one of the more memorable traits is his colorful language. No matter how blue the language got in that book, I felt like I was so in it, that I didn't really notice, or at least, I didn't walk away from the book with that aspect being what I recall the most. But I just came across this interview with Junot Diaz from LAist and now see that Oscar Wao gets his language straight from the source.

thar she blows

2008-04-13T18:34:00.002-04:00

So today I saw an iconic New York sight: a manhole cover that blew up. Today was my day to go in to work and do nothing and around 3 o'clock I started to smell something horrible and acrid. We have a debris container on the side of our building on 21st Street and the manhole directly next to it was smoking. Apparently there was an electrical fire underground and as I was standing there with the fire department the cover just popped straight up and barely missed a car parked nearby. It was great! Not so great was that I then was evacuated from the building and had to open the double doors in the front of the store to get the awful smell out of there. An hour and a half later, I was freezing my butt off and ready to smack someone. While standing in the doorway all that time (I had to wait for ConEd) about 50 people either tried to walk past me to go in to a demolished store or came up to me with a crestfallen look and and an inane comment/question. But not a single person asked if the employees still had jobs. That kind of irked me.

Hitch

2008-04-12T10:19:00.003-04:00

I'm on an Alfred Hitchcock kick these days. One of my favorite movies is To Catch a Thief, but I realized recently that I've actually seen very few of his films. I've never seen Psycho, for pete's sake. So I've been getting them via Netflix and enjoying them immensely.

Last week I watched Notorious starring Ingrid Bergman and my favorite, Cary Grant. It is set Rio and Miami and has one of the most fantastic drunk driving scenes ever put on film. Though as much as I liked the movie, it was nothing compared to last night's feature film, Lifeboat. It moves along quietly at first, as the survivors make their way into the lifeboat, but part of the way through there's a scene where a massive storm nearly overtakes the boat and I found myself actually shouting at the television "Bail! Bail!" All in all, a great movie. Next week is Dial M For Murder, which I saw as a teenager, but want to rewatch and Vertigo. Can't wait.

One ringy dingy, two ringy dingy

2008-04-10T21:45:00.005-04:00

I finally did it. I went and got a cell phone! I got one of those fancy phones with the slide out keypad so I won't have to mash the pad if I send a text message. I've been sitting here all night reading the manual and I still haven't figured out all of the features. All I know is I just checked my email. On my phone! Thanks for the sweet email Dad! Not that you'll be reading this of course, since Dads are strictly verboten from Clockwatchers. But thanks all the same. I'm giddy with progress!

Come on, really?

2008-04-09T12:51:00.003-04:00

I am sick again or still or something. I got sick at the first of March, was sick for a little over a week, thought I was healthy for a week or so, when it then turned into a sinus infection. But not just any sinus infection; the most painful thing I've ever experienced where the maxillary sinus got infected and pressed upon the root of one of my teeth. Blindingly painful. Couldn't take the local train that ran under the river due to massive compression painful. A week's worth of antibiotics was enough to get rid of it for a while, but apparently not for good. Then last Friday I started to feel cruddy again and as of yesterday I had to go back to the doctor. My throat was so sore I could barely swallow, I was coughing, blah blah blah. This time it turns out it's a chronic sinus infection and I tested positive for strep. Awesome! I was supposed to be catering the NYC Bar Association's annual gala tonight, but the doctor very clearly said that, no, I would not be handling food tonight. So now I'm sitting here on the couch with a sore throat and some kind of weird swelling on half of my face. Maybe it's a reaction to the medication, maybe it's karma for secretly smirking at my own good health all winter.

On the plus side, my boss just called to ask me if I can work on Sunday. Work in this case being defined as showing up at 9am to let the demolition crew in and locking up when they're done at 5. He told me I can take a 3 hour lunch, go see a movie, bring my laptop, whatever I want. He also said I can take the day as overtime or take an extra day off next week. I think this will make up for the lost money from today's catering gig. Take that karma!

city of brotherly something or other

2008-03-23T23:05:00.002-04:00

On another, but similar note, I was talking with some of my neighbors this morning and they related a rather funny gentrification story to me. On our street, on the next block up from where we live, there is a newer condo development that opened and filled up a little over a year ago. My neighbor's house is right next door to it. The condo has 2 small patches of grass in the front that have been fairly well neglected since they were laid down. There are also two Keep Off The Grass signs which piss me off to no end. I do not like Keep Off signs no matter what, but especially in a town with so little grass. But that's another screed. Apparently my neighbor was allowing her dog to sniff around on their patch of grass. She has her own yard, but happened to be out front talking with some of the neighbors and she always has her little dog with her because the dog has neurological damage and can't even walk. So some guy in the condo opens his window and shouts "Get your fucking dog off the grass!". My normally kind, friendly neighbor shouted back up "Why don't you come down here and say that to my face! You have to come out eventually and I may not know what you look like, but I know what you smell like, and you smell like shit!". This was retold to me by the other neighbors with looks of awe on their faces for having the good fortune of having witnessed such a battle between the old and new. And of course for having seen our sweet neighbor go batty on some stupid dipshit. Good times.

new local restaurant review

2008-03-23T21:56:00.003-04:00

For the sake of full disclosure, I am typing this while I watch Music and Lyrics for, like, the 5th time. And I am not ashamed, even if some would think perhaps I should be. And they can suck it.

Anywho, Jamie and I went to a new local restaurant Saturday night and I thought I'd report back for all of my pizza loving friends. It's called Toby's Public House and it's on 6th Avenue and 21st Street in "South Slope", aka Greenwood Heights aka our neighborhood. We've been watching the construction on the space for over a year, so it's nice to see it up and running. I've seen a lot of talk on other blogs and websites complaining about the "No Strollers" sign they have placed in the window, but personally I'm pretty okay with a place that draws that line in the sand off the bat. And anyway, the place is way too small and crowded with tables and a big bar to fit even one stroller, let alone more than one. We were pleased to get a table as soon as we went in, around 7:30 or so on a Saturday night. Every staff person we interacted with was really nice and there were 2 big tvs with the basketball games on, so my dining partner was happy.

The centerpiece of the place is the really beautiful woodfired pizza oven. The menu is not huge, but it's pretty well rounded with a couple of salads (breasole, arugula) meat or cheese plates and about 10 types of pizza. They also had a pretty good selection of beers, including the Stone IPA, which is delicious. We got the mozzarella, tomato and basil salad to start. The mozzarella just melted in my mouth, the tomatoes were sparse, but that's to be expected in March and the basil was virtually non-existent. We got the double portion which was about 5 slices of cheese, half a tomato and 4 pieces of basil for 17 dollars. Delicious? Yes. Overpriced? Yes. The pizzas are individually sized and we got the Napolitano which was anchovy, olive and caper with mozzarella and the something that neither of us can remember the name of, but it had sweet sausage and red onion. Both pizzas were very, very good, particularly the Napolitano. Jamie felt like the sausage one was a little bit skimpy on the toppings, which it kind of was. The pizzas were 14 dollars each which, while not cheap, was really not outrageous for how good they were.

We got one shared salad, 2 pizzas and 2 beers and including tip our bill was almost 75 dollars. And here's the thing, our food was good, even if the salad was a little on the smallish side, the service was great, the atmosphere was comfortable and casual. But as we were walking home Jamie said "That was good, but it didn't feel like a 75 dollar meal." And it didn't. It feels wrong to pay that much for a meal in our neighborhood, especially a meal that was spent watching a basketball game. And just because you can charge that much for a meal on 21st Street doesn't mean you have to. I did however see the meat and cheese antipasta for 2 as we were leaving and it looked so good. We both feel that if went back, the antipasta and one pizza would be the way to go, but I can't say when we'll go back. I just wish we could have restaurants and amenities without it automatically translating to overpriced places. I suppose overpriced boutiques are the next signpost on our slow march toward "development".

Coney is open!

2008-03-16T22:00:00.002-04:00

For those of you who enjoy the shrieking release that is a ride on the Cyclone, Astroland opened for the season today, with another year's reprieve. We had such a great day, despite the crummy weather.

We took a couple of rides on the Cyclone and enjoyed it as much as ever. There is one difference this year though. They have added new/additional padding to each seat and now most people have to ride solo instead of together. It ended up being pretty great because I could brace my feet and didn't fly around much at all. We then walked over to Tottono's and downed a large sausage pie and a small anchovy between 4 of us. A lot of food, but with the delicious thin crust, not so much that we didn't have a little room for our next stops. We also had a great celebrity sighting at tiny little Tottono's in Ira Glass from NPR's This American Life. That's my kind of nerdy celebrity sighting!

We then headed over to Brighton Beach to visit a market that my Hungarian friend has been telling me about for years and to do a little recon on a restaurant that I think I'd like to go to for my birthday this year. M & I International Foods is a large Eastern European market on Brighton Beach Avenue, in the heart of Little Odessa under the El. There are 2 different meat counters, one for fresh meats and one for cured meats. I got pork loin roast for 3 bucks a pound and we got 2 kinds of sausages. I wanted to get some blood sausage, but it's hard to justify when I know I'm the only one who's excited about it. But know if you're in the market for blood sausage, a chicken type version of haggis or any other speckled fresh or cured meats, this is your place. There were also 2 large baked goods counters. I think the difference between them was that one was more dessert type cakes and cookies and the other was breads, both sweet and savory, and breakfast pastry. I bought a cheese and apricot danish for tomorrow morning and a layered not-too-sweet pastry filled with cherries, raisins and nuts. The abundance of all things cherry was something I was particularly excited about. I love cherries and apparently so do Russians. I also bought some sour cherry syrup that is meant to be used as a cocktail mixer. We got strange capers that are kind of mangled looking and brined, but not in vinegar. I got a very large jar of pitted sour cherries in cherry juice (4 bucks!) and Jamie got pickles (of course), a bottle of some Russian beer, of which they have a large selection and some spiked lemonade stuff. In all, totally worth a trip to Brighton Beach.

We then went to the little restaurant I wanted to check out. It's called Cafe Gelchik and it's on Coney Island Avenue, just a few blocks past the market. We were pretty full already, so we just wanted to sample a couple of things. We got the mixed pickled vegetables first. The standout there was the pickled watermelon, which is addictive. We then got the pelmini Moscow style, which is little meat stuffed dumplings baked in an egg custard with a crusty cheese on top. So delicious. This was followed by the sour cherry vernicki, which is a larger dumpling, more like a true potsticker in size and shape. This was exactly what I was looking for. They also have a green borscht, schnitzel, at least 10 other kinds of dumplings, loads of sausages, etc, etc. For a drink we got their specialty, something they call compote. It's basically a fruit juice with cherry, apple and other juices with a few pieces of macerated fruit at the bottom of the glass. It was really good as far as juice goes. They don't sell booze, but it's BYO, as witnessed by the bottles of vodka on almost every table. I can't wait to go back to this place, but with a better appetite next time.

depressing

2008-03-06T20:39:00.002-05:00

Going in to work each day has become increasingly more depressing as the days go on. The store closes on March 31st and as of now, almost 1/3 of the shelves are empty. Huge amounts of the store are on clearance and we all find ourselves having the same conversation over and over and over with people.
"Oh no, why are you guys closing?"
"What's gonna come in to this space?"
"What's going to happen to all of you?" [These are the kinder people, the ones who are concerned that we will all have jobs]
And on and on.

It just sucks because there really isn't anything to do with most of our time since we don't get shipments and have very few books. As a result, all of the employees are bonding even more than we already have over long periods of working together. Now everyone's even more bummed about not working together anymore. I'm really going to miss some of these people, but I imagine my next store will introduce to me lots of new, nice people. Unfortunately, I don't think my new store on the Upper East Side will have any regular tranny customers or nearly as many meth addicts and about this, I am sad. I love the diversity of the customers at my store and I just hope that the new store isn't as vanilla as I fear it will be.

say ahhh

2008-03-06T10:02:00.003-05:00

I'm still sick, although I do now have my voice back. And along with my voice I've gotten a horrible spasmy cough that wakes me up at night and pleasingly colored stuff blowing out of my nose. Well, pleasing if it wasn't coming out of my nose. I'm off work today because my sweet husband has to have an endoscopy. He plays it off like this: "You can just put me in a cab and go back to work.". Um, no. They have to put him out for this and he wants me to stuff him in a cab and go back to work? Silly man. So I'm off work today and meeting him at his doctor's office. Hopefully they will be able to get to the bottom of his constant reflux problems. He did say that they told him to get a certain kind of pillow that basically will prop him up elephant man style while he sleeps. It's a shame that he has such a fondness for all things pickled. I can't help but think that vinegary goodness doesn't help. I think we're going to try to watch the screener copy of No Country for Old Men today (thanks Erik & Dani!). Nothing like paralyzing fear to put you on the road to healing!

figures

2008-03-03T15:06:00.008-05:00

We had a big weekend planned. Saturday was Jamie's birthday party (thanks to everyone who came!) and Sunday was Marc's curling adventure in New Jersey. By Friday night I was sick, sick, sick.At the party on Saturday I wasn't able to participate in any of the revelry, although I did put back a whole bottle of Martinelli's sparkling cider. Sunday I missed curling and spent the day on the couch. And today I had planned to go to work, but my head feels terrible and strange. It feels like someone gave me a swirlie in a toilet filled with wet cement. But the best part is my voice which is totally shot. I sound like the offspring of Kathleen Turner and a honking goose. So I am couch bound for one more day. But I took advantage of the wonderful Watch It Now feature of Netflix. I just finished watching The King of Kong, which I really loved, despite my indifference to video games. But it also features Funspot, which I think is one of the greatest places on earth, due to their pinball machine selection. I'm not the only one in the family who loves Funspot. Marmoset has recently sung it's praises also.
Here are a couple of pictures that I took a few years ago when we were there. The best thing about that trip was that when we walked through the doors I didn't feel compelled to stick with anyone else, we all just were drawn to what we were drawn to and that's how it should be. The outer perimeter of the main video game room is lined with pinball machines. I nearly giggled with happiness. I played at least 20 different pinball games before I settled on the Addams Family, which was a great game. The pictures were taken on an old winding type camera, so the quality is pretty lousy, so sorry.

petkeeping

2008-03-02T14:28:00.003-05:00

I don't know what brought this up, but Jamie and I saw something yesterday that reminded us of a show we used to love called Petkeeping with Mark Morron. It used to be on Saturday mornings and he was known for his Lon Gisland accent and that he had 15-20 different species crawling all over each other on his set. He had a gigantic Flemish rabbit named Harvey. One of the reasons we loved to watch his show was that he showcased animals that were not just cats and dogs, namely rats. He was a great champion of the rat. Here is an old clip of him talking about reindeer, using Harvey as his prop.

she's delicious

2008-02-22T16:59:00.004-05:00

Ruthie, like most cats, likes to find unusual places to curl up and sleep. Today I pulled out a large, covered bowl of melted and solidified chocolate to reheat it and pitch it (it bloomed.....badly). I walked out of the kitchen for a moment and this is what I walked back in to find.

sage advice

2008-02-22T09:02:00.002-05:00

When Jamie and I had our sham wedding that looked like a real wedding, my mom put out her Instamatic camera and a guest book for folks to sign. The following day when we were reading people's well wishes and words of wisdom, we came upon this from my grandparents.

Dear Kaci & Jamie,
Never go to bed mad. Always kiss and make up. You will feel better by morning. Never forget how much you love each other. I want a little red headed "baby" soon.
Love, Grandma [quotations hers]

Dear Jamie,
Get used to being wrong. You'll never win a fight, so unless you give in, the argument will never be over.
Love, Grandpa

At the time that we first read that, we were laughing and saddened by it all at once. My grandpa was a pretty quiet guy, but he wasn't necessarily a pushover. My grandma is a total ballbuster however and their years together post-retirement were grating and difficult at times. I stumbled upon the book yesterday as I was cleaning and was really happy to find that bit of advice from him. I don't think Jamie has taken his advice, but I'm very glad for that too.

Hands down, greatest news item of 2008, thus far

2008-02-20T21:55:00.003-05:00

I couldn't stop laughing when I read this tonight. According to the Daily News he also spent $5,000 on colonic enemas. But I think the next to last line is what really seals this as my favorite article.

February 20, 2008 -- Benjamin Lovell says he kept trying to explain to Commerce Bank officials that he really didn't have $5.8 million in his account.But they kept insisting he could take the money and run - and so he did, scooping up $1 million the first day and another $1.1 million over the next four weeks.

Of the $2.1 million total, the married dad invested $1.5 million - badly - gave $36,000 to pals and spent $8,000 on gems for a girlfriend, according to the Brooklyn DA.

The bank, which bills itself as "America's most convenient," didn't turn out to be America's most forgiving. When officials learned of the multimillion-dollar blunder, they called the cops.

Lovell, who earns $600 a week as a salesman for KeySpan, was charged with first-degree grand larceny, and faces up to 25 years in the slammer if convicted.

He was ordered held in lieu of $3 million bond or $1 million cash bail at his arraignment in Brooklyn Criminal Court last night.

Lovell, 48, of Brownsville, had an $800 account at the bank's Montague Street branch in Brooklyn Heights.

The monumental mix-up happened because another Benjamin Lovell works for a firm called Woodlawn Trustee, which has a $5.8 million account at the same branch.Last December, Woodlawn - which manages trusts - asked that its Lovell be added to the account.The bank confused the Social Security numbers of the men, giving the wrong Lovell the right to withdraw money from the $5.8 million account, authorities said.

On Dec. 14, the wrong Lovell walked into the bank to make a $400 deposit. A teller mentioned that he had a second account with $5.8 million in it.To his credit, a confused Lovell spoke to the manager and other bank officials - and he said all of them insisted there was no problem whatsoever with him withdrawing money, he said.So, prosecutor Kevin Richardson said, he withdrew $10,000 and later in the day took out another $990,000.

From Dec. 16 to Jan. 10, he allegedly withdrew a total of $1.1 million.

Woodlawn Trustee officials, meanwhile, were getting bank statements and saw the money was missing.

Cops busted Lovell Monday and he was charged with grand larceny for knowingly taking money that wasn't his.

Lovell invested much of it in loser stocks and only $500,000 was recovered.

Lovell was last in the news in 1998, when Ol' Dirty Bastard, the late rapper, helped lift a car off his daughter, Maati, after an auto accident.

A Commerce spokesman did not return a call or an e-mail seeking comment.

counting crochet stitches

2008-02-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

For the third time in a week, I got less than 2 hours of sleep last night. Thankfully those nights were not consecutive, so while I'm totally wiped out right now, I'm not downright stupid. [Apparently, I may be downright stupid, because as I typed that I accidentally left out the "not"] I have a lot on my mind these days and no matter how tired I am, as soon as the light goes out I'm wide awake and my mind starts racing. Last night I tried to picture crocheting and different crochet stitches in my mind because I thought maybe that would be my domesticated equivalent to counting sheep. It didn't really work. I last saw the time on the clock at 3:30am and I had to get up at 5am. Tonight will likely be easy sleeping, but who knows what I'm in store for tomorrow night. Especially since tomorrow is episode 2 of the new season of Lost! I'll probably be all wired and hopped up on island theories. Maybe I should try drinking my usual evening snack of Metamucil and Ovaltine warm instead of cold. How many people just threw up in their own mouths when they read that? Well, if you haven't tried it, you can just suck it because it's not only delicious, but it's good for you too! Oh god I need some sleep.

aaahhhh

2008-01-31T09:38:00.000-05:00

For the past 5 years I have had chronic back problems. It used to be centered around my lower back, but lately it's migrated north, much to my displeasure. I do yoga (not often enough), which certainly helps. But I haven't yet found the silver bullet for back pain. I have found acupuncture though and let me say, it's changed my outlook on things.

About 5 years ago I was working part time as an ice cream scooper and that was when the trouble began. The constant lean forward, bend down, scoop frozen solid deliciousness motion really did a number on my back (not to mention my waistline). As the pain was building and building, it finally came to it's totally unglamorous, somewhat humiliating conclusion the day before Easter 2003. I left work early with my back in total spasm, thinking that if I walked to the subway, the walk would help alleviate the pain as it had in the past. The pain never let up and by the time I got to the subway I couldn't actually get down a step to get into the subway. Okay then. Maybe a taxi. I hailed a cab and found myself unable to physically get in the backseat. crap. So I continued walking to Jamie's place in Ft. Greene, which was quite a walk for someone with a spasming back. But as some of you may recall, Jamie's old apartment was upstairs in a beautiful old brownstone and there were at least 30-40 steps to manage. It took me over 20 minutes to get into his apartment and tears were just pouring down my face. When I got there he wasn't even home so I went into his bedroom, managed to get myself onto the bed and I waited and prayed. I don't remember how long it was before he got home, but I remember squeaking out a little moan to announce my presence. It was a very long night of not sleeping and not knowing what to do, as I'd never experienced anything like that before. The next morning, after one of the longest nights of my life, Jamie called a car service. It took about another 20 minutes to get me down the steps and into the car, but we did it and I went to Methodist Hospital on Easter Sunday. I remember the ER doctor saying he was going to give me a shot that was going to hurt a lot. When I told him I didn't really care, he emphasized, no really, it's going to hurt A LOT. I'm convinced that the shot is so painful so it will take your mind off whatever the primary pain may be. But after about a 1/2 hour I started to feel some relief and we were able to go. The ER gave me 4 or 5 cyclobenzaprine pills to use as heavy duty muscle relaxers during the healing period.

Flash forward to last Tuesday. I woke up with a sharp pain around my left shoulder blade. Over the course of a week, the pain got sharper and more noticeable. Finally on Monday of this week I was in some pretty serious pain. I had tried stretching, ibuprofen, heat, etc, but nothing had even made a dent. On Monday night I was in intense pain and attempted to go to bed. I was completely unable to find a tolerable position and after 2 hours I got up and went into the living room. I found my handy traveling neck pillow (which I would love to just wear all the time as an impromptu napping accessory), my heating pad and tried to find a way to rest sitting up on the couch. No dice. Maybe a hot shower. At 4 o' clock in the morning. Again, no relief. I attempted to make my way to the floor with the hope that elevating my feet (and being horizontal) may help. But then I couldn't get myself to the floor and was afraid that even if I did make it to the floor, I'd never be able to get myself back up. And I've learned from experience that when I'm on the floor for the purpose of exercise or stretching, mobility is key with a stinky breathed dog and a flat, soft surface loving kitty in the house. I could just picture Jamie waking up to find me immobile, Ruthie making biscuits on my stomach and Arlo using my neck as a pillow.

So I waited for the sun to come up and I called my work to let them know I wouldn't be there. I then called my acupuncturist and left her a message about getting in for an emergency visit. By about 11 am I couldn't stand the pain and the lack of the sleep and decided I was going to rifle through our medicine chest for anything I could find. Arlo's pain meds; fine. Whatever. This is what doctors refer to as drug seeking behavior. And what do I find, but one single, beautiful 5 year old cyclobenzaprine! Within an hour I was asleep in a more or less horizontal position and I slept for 4 glorious hours. I woke up feeling a little bit better, as I know my body needed some rest to begin healing itself. When I woke up my acupuncturist called to say she could get me in the following day.

I went to work yesterday and then went to see her and I came home last night feeling refreshed and fairly well healed. Of course, I woke up this morning feeling stiff and sore again, but not like I was. I'm going to do some yoga today and stretch it all out and hope for the best. And I've vowed to see my acupuncturist every 4-6 weeks to help prevent this happening again. And do yoga more regularly, since those are the only 2 things that really seem to make a difference.

This is my kitty. Natalie Dee understands.

2008-01-17T23:16:00.002-05:00

glasses are sexy, no?

2008-01-17T22:40:00.000-05:00

Tonight while I was talking to my mom she asked me to change the background template of this blog because the dark color was causing her eyes to freak out. She said she was able to read it just fine, but when she would try to look at something else she couldn't see properly for 5-10 minutes. I am a little hesitant to say this, but I get it. I am by no stretch old or even older, but lately my eyes have been giving me a bit of grief. I haven't had my eyes checked in 8 years and they have gotten considerably worse. Recently at work I was trying to read something and I actually had to hold it in my partially outstretched arm. Are bifocals in my future? I can't remember how old my mom was when she got bifocals. What was it, 50's? But I also think I started wearing glasses about 20 years before she did.

there's no way to discuss this one.....as usual

2008-01-12T23:56:00.000-05:00

I was talking to my dad two days ago and once again, he managed to surprise and horrify me. He lives in Columbia, SC most of the year and goes up to Ohio for the summers. He frequently asks me inane questions like "How do you get to work", to which I've had the same response for 7 years. He still thinks NYC is the most dangerous, crime infested place a person could be. When I pointed out to him that statistically speaking, it's far more dangerous in Columbia than in NYC (see crime stats below), he proffered up this tidbit:

Dad: "Well, that's why I never leave the house without my 9mm."
Me: "What??!!"
Dad: "It's completely legal. I have a concealed weapons permit."
Me: "Jesus Christ, Dad. Is that really necessary?"
Dad: "Well, one time I was just about a mile from the house and I pulled up to a 4 way stop. There was a van and a bunch of people got out and started flashing their gang signs, you know, challenges to each other. Well, I wasn't sure what was going to happen so I stepped on the gas and gunned it. If they hadn't jumped out of the way, I'd have run them all down. And ever since then I don't leave the house without my 9mm."

So that apparently is all it takes to make an already paranoid, nightmare having Vietnam vet tote a loaded weapon around under his shirt. Unbelievable.

Stats courtesy of www.city-data.com.

Crime in Columbia by Year
Type	1999	2000	2001	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006
Murders	14	12	15	10	15	18	15	7
per 100,000	12.4	10.7	12.7	8.4	12.7	15.2	12.7	5.9
Rapes	74	40	62	83	58	74	56	56
per 100,000	65.8	35.5	52.7	69.7	48.9	62.3	47.5	47.1
Robberies	510	493	442	497	461	464	381	375
per 100,000	453.2	438.1	375.4	417.5	388.9	390.6	323.1	315.4
Assaults	860	955	781	949	808	961	859	852
per 100,000	764.2	848.6	663.2	797.2	681.6	808.9	728.5	716.5
Burglaries	1,290	1,209	1,426	1,639	1,395	1,703	1,332	1,254
per 100,000	1146.3	1074.3	1211.0	1376.9	1176.9	1433.5	1129.7	1054.6
Thefts	N/A	6,508	6,863	6,213	5,907	6,750	5,513	5,086
per 100,000	N/A	5782.9	5828.2	5219.4	4983.3	5681.9	4675.6	4277.2
Auto thefts	748	750	985	916	825	819	837	654
per 100,000	664.7	666.4	836.5	769.5	696.0	689.4	709.9	550.0
Arson	51	47	29	N/A	15	27	26	27
per 100,000	45.3	41.8	24.6	N/A	12.7	22.7	22.1	22.7
City-data.com crime index (higher means more crime, U.S. average = 280.8)	N/A	710.7	697.7	724.0	654.8	741.9	629.0	576.3

Crime in New York by Year
Type	1999	2000	2002	2003	2004	2005	2006
Murders	671	673	587	597	570	539	596
per 100,000	9.0	8.7	7.3	7.4	7.0	6.6	7.3
Rapes	1,702	1,630	1,689	1,609	1,428	1,412	1,071
per 100,000	22.9	21.0	20.9	19.9	17.6	17.4	13.1
Robberies	36,100	32,562	27,229	25,989	24,373	24,722	23,511
per 100,000	485.9	420.3	336.8	320.9	300.9	304.6	287.9
Assaults	40,511	40,880	34,334	31,253	29,317	27,950	26,908
per 100,000	545.3	527.7	424.7	385.9	361.9	344.4	329.6
Burglaries	40,469	37,112	30,102	28,293	26,100	23,210	22,137
per 100,000	544.7	479.1	372.3	349.4	322.2	286.0	271.1
Thefts	140,377	139,664	129,655	124,846	124,016	120,918	115,363
per 100,000	1889.5	1802.9	1603.7	1541.7	1530.8	1489.9	1412.9
Auto thefts	39,693	35,847	27,034	23,628	21,072	18,381	15,936
per 100,000	534.3	462.8	334.4	291.8	260.1	226.5	195.2
City-data.com crime index (higher means more crime, U.S. average = 281.9)	447.7	408.5	334.2	313.6	295.4	285.2	268.5

And just because the ratio seemed so narrow to me, I've included this pleasant statistic. Welcome to South Carolina folks:

"According to our research there were 677 registered sex offenders living in Columbia, South Carolina in early 2007.
The ratio of number of residents in Columbia to the number of sex offenders is 177 to 1."

It probably isn't fair to include that, since I can't find a comparable stat for NYC, but whatever.

one way ticket to loserville

2008-01-08T23:29:00.000-05:00

Tonight I had to stay to work an author reading/signing for Neil Strauss, the fellow who wrote The Game and who now has a new book called Rules of the Game. When The Game came out Balgavy loaned it to me and while I found it funny and entertaining, I couldn't imagine who would actually take this kind of crap to heart. I mean, this guy spawned Mystery. yecchh. Basically it's all about being totally sleazy and disingenuous to get women into bed. In some ways, the author would disagree with this, but that is how a lot of what he proposes has been skewed. I could only imagine that this event was going to bring in slimeballs, jerks and dorky guys trying to learn the techniques. And guess what? That's exactly who showed up.

It was a big event for our store; probably 300-350 people. And being one of the 10 women there, I was forced to indulge these losers all night. "Can you please take 2 steps back? Seriously, back off. " All. Night. Long.

But it was all worth it when it came to the signing part of the night. I got the awesome job of going the length of the line and asking people if they'd like the author to personalize their book inscription and I then write on a post-it with a sharpie so the author doesn't have to fuss with spelling and the post it spells it all out for him. Easy enough. The beauty is that in The Game, he recommended that each man create his own PUA (Pick Up Artist) nickname ala Mystery. So as I'm asking these guys to whom their book will be inscribed, I'm barely holding it together. A sample:

Guy1: Steve aka Ironman
Guy2: John aka Ramrod
Guy3: George aka Aries
Guy4: Sean aka Sex Machine

But this was the best:
Guy5:"First word M-U-F-F, second word D-Y-V-E-R, third word D-A-N. Pretty funny, right?"
Me:"Uh huh."

So as I am back up at the table where the author is I am telling our Event Coordinator, a middle aged British woman, that Muff Dyver Dan is coming up on the right. When he gets up to the table, she takes the post it, puts it on his book and says in the most upper class English accent, "Muff Dyver Dan, pleased to meet you."
It was brilliant.

the long slog through a boring book

2008-01-06T21:45:00.000-05:00

I finished reading Atonement today. My landlord and I swapped about a half dozen books probably a year ago and it's been sitting there ever since. What with the recent buzz around the movie, I figured, what the heck. I don't know what you may have heard about the book and/or the film, but I kept reading things about how Ian McEwan wrote this amazing book with a stunning plot twist at the end and that the movie, while very good, perhaps even great, is not the same as the printed word. Yes, yes, nothing new in that type of review.

So my experience was that for whatever reason, during the pivotal part of the story, the part upon which everything hinges, my mind immediately went to a different place, a different character. The result of this was that when the big reveal came at the end, the jaw dropping twist, I had assumed it to be so for the entire book. No big reveal, no plot twist for me. Just a book where I found myself skimming over entire paragraphs because he couldn't stop spending 3 pages describing a summer day. What a drag!

it would be funnier if it wasn't so creepy/depressing

2008-01-05T21:15:00.000-05:00

Some of you may recall when I described a man I work with that I refer to as Count Chocula. Over the past year this man's complete and utter insanity has come to the surface, in occasionally hilarious, often unsettling ways. Like the time his robes had become really ratty and dirty and he knew that I had a friend who was handy with a sewing machine. He asked if she could make new robes for him and when she was unable to do it, he made them himself. He looked just like Charlie Brown in his holey Halloween ghost costume. He eventually found someone to make some robes for him, but seriously, if you're a priest, wouldn't the church provide you with clothing? Following is a partial list of some of the gigantic lies/fantasies which he tells us. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Zelig:

-That he is a cardinal and answers only to the Vatican. He insists that he be addressed as Monsignor.
-The time I walked up and he picked up the phone on the desk and said "Hello? Rome?"
-That he voted on the most recent Pope.
-That he was thrown in Chairman Mao's communist Chinese prison for 2 years for preaching.
-That he was thrown in Castro's communist Cuban prison for 2 years for preaching.
-That he was tortured by African "natives" and they shoved wood splints under his nails. For preaching.
-That he was the president of a university.
-That he speaks fluent Urdu, but couldn't understand when someone asked him (in Urdu) his name.
-That he was the medical director of a major hospital.
-That he spent 2 years in a concentration camp (always with the 2 years!)
-That every morning at 4am he personally says the mass for every priest in NYC.
-The latest, and certainly funniest, that he has had an ongoing affair with Tom Selleck. Tom is currently mad at him because he didn't go to LA last summer to visit him. Apparently we have "no idea how firm" Tom is; except for his face, which is withered from years in the sun.

I'll pause there to give you the opportunity to throw up in your mouths.

Brooklyn Cobbler Update

2008-01-03T12:14:00.000-05:00

A couple of posts ago I was talking about taking my 2 favorite pairs of shoes to the cobbler to be resoled. Here is what ended up transpiring.

I was told to give it 10 days. No problem; they are fall/winter shoes and it was summer. I went back 2 weeks later and he told me that the guy he uses on the lower east side for the mid soles was on vacation and it was going to take a bit longer. Again, no problem. I went back about 2 weeks later and the gate was down and there was a hand written sign saying that he was on vacation for the month of August, with a return date just after Labor Day. Um, alright. So after Labor Day, every time I went by he was not open, causing me a little concern. I called the number on the sign and it just kept ringing, so that was no help. Finally toward the end of September I went to the Polish deli next door to his shop and asked if they had seen him. They said that they hadn't and that I wasn't the only one looking for their shoes. So then it's October and my favorite shoes are nowhere to be found. I walk past the shop one day and see that the gate is down and padlocked, there are multiple notes stuffed into the gate and the place is for rent. Are you freaking kidding me?? No phone number to call, no sign of the shoes, no nothing. My landlord told me that she heard that he may have moved to Florida.

This is the type of thing that makes me feel like I am living in Seinfeld's world. It reminds me of the time that Jamie and I ordered 2 cans of seltzer with our Mexican food delivery order and instead received 2 containers of salsa. Seriously.

it didn't hurt a bit

2007-12-21T16:09:00.000-05:00

I've lived in Brooklyn for 7 years and for 7 years I've tried to avoid ever entering a post office. Every time it has been an unavoidable task, I've left the post office frustrated, irritated and pondering libertarianism. So, after losing a bet with my dear husband (not really, but it felt that way), I had to go to the post office today to ship Christmas presents to Skippito and Dee Dee (and yes, as usual, they are being shipped this late). I went prepared, mentally and physically. I reloaded my ipod with new stuff, charged it up, bought some chocolate milk, brought the book I'm reading plus some crossword puzzles and wore lighter layers so I could take off my outer layer when I became too warm, without having to tote a bulky winter coat. I was prepared to move in if I had to.

When I arrived at the 9th Street PO, there were 2 lines; one for pick ups and the other for those shipping packages, purchasing stamps, etc. There were about 15 people in each line and only 2 windows open. It looked almost exactly as it has every time I've ever gone, which is why I never go. And to make matters worse, I searched and searched for a box in which to pack these presents and couldn't find anything even close to being big enough. I knew I was going to have to purchase a box at the window, then get back in the line after I'd packed the box up. ugh. I noticed the line was actually moving and people were not nearly as surly as I've been accustomed to. One old guy was even cracking jokes with me. After less than 10 minutes in line, I am next and I can't believe it. I get to the window and Linda, the postal worker is smiling, friendly, helpful. She finds the perfect sized box for my gifts, gives me a label and a roll of tape and tells me to come back up to her window after I pack the box, rather than get back in line. gaah. I was out of that post office in under 20 minutes and I was happy! Thank you Linda. Seriously, thank you.

I now have so much unexpected time I'm currently trying to recreate the Belgian beef stew with prunes I had last weekend. It smells delicious!

november was the longest month

2007-12-06T09:54:00.000-05:00

Once again, November was a crappy and difficult month. I've sworn off deriving any kind of pleasure from Thanksgiving, because for as long as I can remember it's been a stressful and depressing holiday.

On October 30th my healthy and happy grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer. It had spread to his lymph, bones, liver and then brain and 30 days later he died. 30 days. No one in the family even had a chance to wrap their heads around it, least of all him. Jamie and I went home the week before Thanksgiving to visit with him. He was in and out, although mostly in. He had some wild hallucinations though since it had spread to his brain at that point. He saw fog rolling in off the walls, red bugs crawling, saw his dogs sitting at Jamie's feet. But when I said goodbye to him and I was crying because I knew it was the last time we'd see each other, he said "Kaci honey, you're too pretty for me never to see again."

He died a week ago today and we went back for the viewing and funeral. It felt like everything a funeral should be. The time spent with family was comforting, the services felt intimate and not impersonal and I came home feeling oddly relieved. At least it was over fast and he didn't have to suffer. And I think my grandma is holding up better than we could have expected.

One of the more unnerving things to happen while we were in Ohio was that my mom found a gray hair on my head. That might not sound like much, but it's a huge deal to me. My mom was totally gray by 40, but my dad didn't get a single gray hair until he was almost 60. I have my dad's coloring and was obviously delusional in thinking I had no/would get no gray hair. But as Jamie pointed out, mom zeroed right in on that one gray hair and seemed to take a little too much pleasure in it. It's kind of fitting that she found it the day after we buried Grandpa because I was thinking a lot about mortality at that point (duh), but not my own mortality, everyone else's. Now I have a piece of paper with a gray hair taped to it and the date noted. Stupid, shitty gray hair.

The Wild World of NYC retail real estate

2007-10-01T09:55:00.000-04:00

Well, it's official. The Barnes & Noble in Chelsea is indeed closing next year. For once, the Post was correct. It's pretty sickening too. That store opened almost 15 years ago before there was really anything at all on that stretch of 6th Avenue. Now that the area has grown and exploded into a mega-retail store destination, the landlord has asked for a 500% increase in rent. 500%!! Say what you will about corporate giants like B & N and Borders, but at this point they are not the behemoths they once were, despite their seeming ubiquity. They are no longer each others' competition in the way they once were. They are both competing against Amazon and the online world in general. I love shopping online, but I do still love book shopping in a store. I just love being surrounded by books I think.

well, boo to this. I know we will all have jobs waiting for us when they absorb us into other stores, but still. I like my store. It's a beautiful, soaring space where I never feel claustrophobic and the customers are generally wonderful. boo.

where oh where can i be?

2007-09-11T00:01:00.000-04:00

I've been so busy lately. I've catered 4 weddings in 8 days. Oh, and I met Bill Clinton! That was a big deal. He was at the B & N in Union Square last week and I worked the event.

I must say, it was surreal. After all of the wristbanded folks went up, I was able to go in myself. The line upstairs winds in and out of the shelves, so you can't actually see the area where you are ultimately heading. After waiting in line for about 20-25 minutes, I got to the secret service wanding area. Once wanded, I was in the home stretch. That was when it started to get weird for me. For me some reason, I started to feel very, very nervous; short of breath even. I felt the way I've felt in the past at King's Island or Cedar Point while waiting to ride a really big roller coaster. Like maybe I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into and I'm nervous and excited all at once. At this point, the woman in line behind me leaned forward and said, "It's too soon." I thought that was hilarious. A good tension breaker and I totally understood what she meant. So when I was in the penultimate position, the twit in front of me decided he wanted to jabber on and on to Clinton about who knows what. All I knew is that he was eating into my potential face time. Not that it really mattered since I had no idea what I was going to say anyway. When I finally had my turn, Clinton reached out and shook my hand, and I told him I was very happy to get to meet him. He then said , "Thank you. Bless you." At which point I cocked my head like a curious dog. Bless me? Um, okay.

Next month, Jimmy Carter's coming to the same location and I'll have the opportunity to meet him too. Now if he were to bless me, it might seem a little less strange, what with his proven history of god fearing. But it would still be weird to be blessed by a stranger who's not also a panhandler on the R train.

2 recent interactions

2007-08-15T23:45:00.000-04:00

Interaction #1:
young latina woman: can you tell me where to find the books on STDs?
me: sexually transmitted diseases?
young latina woman: what?? NO!
me: SATs?
young latina woman: huh? yeah.

Interaction #2: [she has a school reading list in hand]
young latina woman (different from #1): yeah, just gimme 2 books off the list.
me: which two?
young latina woman: i don't care. just make em inneresting.
me: i can't make a book interesting.
me: {handing her richard wright's Native Son}
young latina woman: Yo! this book is mad fat! gimme a skinny book!

squealing on the inside

2007-08-11T10:46:00.001-04:00

The celebrity sightings at my job are pretty much daily. At least once a week I learn firsthand which celebrity is an adult child of an alcoholic or only reads self-help books or loves books on cd for her many road trips, etc. Other than noting who is exceedingly nice, normal, weird, old looking or pretty, I don't really feel phased by seeing any particular celebrity. Until now.

Yesterday I made disturbingly intense eye contact with a very tall curly haired guy. It was for a moment as if all time stopped and all sense of politeness disappeared because I didn't even try to stop staring. I was mostly staring because I knew that I knew and loved this guy, but couldn't immediately place him. But then, I got it!
It was Wayne Wilcox aka Marty from Gilmore Girls!!!! Holy crap! Marty, you were robbed. I mean, Lucy was nice and all, but she was no Rory. Nice guys finish last indeed.

Brooklyn Cobblers

2007-08-09T10:12:00.000-04:00

Not too long ago I took 2 pairs of shoes (same shoes, one black leather, one brown) to my local shoe repair store; Alexi's on 4th Avenue. I've never been to a cobbler before so I didn't know what to expect. Turns out, it's very reasonable to repair a much loved pair of shoes. He is replacing the sole on the right shoes and the sole and midsole on the left shoes (apparently my gait has me walking like Igor in Young Frankenstein). For all of this, he is only charging me $28/pair. Has anyone else ever used a cobbler. What was your experience like?

Oh, and speaking of Young Frankenstein (it's Fronkensteen!), Jamie's work is going to be screening it for one of their solar powered films this summer! Check out the upcoming Solar 1 film schedule.

i am not a crazy cat lady. yet.

2007-06-05T20:04:00.000-04:00

she's a land shark.
she dominates the turntable.
she's a computer lounger.

an on top of the fridge lurker.

a backpack snuggler.

a friend to arlo.

but can she ever be as cute as he is?

makes my jaw clench

2007-05-17T00:12:00.000-04:00

Today I had a disproportionate cringe-type response when I heard a customer say the following to her friend, "I'm gonna go cop a squat and check out these books." I've heard the phrase 'cop a squat' before, but I had no idea how much I hated it until today. Perhaps it has something to do with the word squat, which has that unpleasant, Carlin-esque awht sound to it. ick.

salty caramel, you rock my world

2007-05-16T10:55:00.000-04:00

i've been in ohio the past few days and while there, i discovered that jeni's ice cream has a location in grandview that I happened upon on saturday afternoon. oh jeni's. so delicious, so unique. some of you may recall that planbreaker has a thing for jeni's also. she usually stops there on her way back and forth between illinois and nyc. so salty caramel with toasted almonds, butterscotch with cocoa nibs and queen city cayenne were my flavors of choice. i couldn't eat them slowly enough though and too quickly they were only a delicious memory in my mouth. *sigh*

melty, sweet vanilla bean-y goodness

2007-05-08T18:55:00.000-04:00

Just had my tastebuds blown by the vanilla bean dome cookies at City Bakery. I work in the neighborhood and have staved off my desire to go there multiple times a week. But today I gave in and at 3 for a dollar, they are by far the cheapest, most delicious way to satisfy a sweet tooth. With a super short dough, they practically dissolved in my mouth. Does anyone have the recipe? Also, what else comes highly recommended there? I've had the vegan cookies they make over at Build a Green Bakery on the east side and they are surprising delicious.
What about the full fat, full butter bovine-y goods?

what's for dessert?

2007-04-19T21:05:00.000-04:00

2 beautiful things happened today at work. First, a small group of mentally disabled people came in. One of the men was really into the cookbooks and wandered over to where I have a display of (the most hateful woman on tv next to Oprah) Rachael Ray. As soon as he saw her cookbooks, he gasped, picked up one with a particularly toothy, joker-like smile on it and stuck his face about 3 inches from the cover. He then cooed, the way a beastly mother would to a child, "You're my favorite girl. Yes you are. Yes you are!". I had to walk away because I was laughing so hard. Finally, some insight into the Rachael Ray demographic.

About an hour later, a mid-30's-ish woman who I can only assume was homeless went into the women's room with her grandma cart. A minute later one of my co-workers came out of there and told me I had to go check out the scene in the bathroom. On the sink counter she had assembled a blender, a hot plate, a dutch oven and about a pound of raw sausage. She was making herself some lunch. In the BATHROOM.

I swear, some days I love that place so much.

my day just got a little better

2007-04-05T22:06:00.000-04:00

There's this guy at work who is mentally disabled, but no one quite knows the details. He's very high functioning, for certain. He comes to work most days, does some work here and there. He loves to read and is more schooled on current events and politics than most Americans. He often says things to me like, "George Bush is craaaaazzzy. He can't send more troops over; they're gonna die." Lately, he seems a little stressed over Iran. He told me today that we might need to start a war with Iran to kill their president. I mentioned that they could also send in the CIA to kill him. He was intrigued, to say the least. So I brought him a book about the CIA, which he read off and on for the rest of the day.

But usually I find him in the humor section reading comics. His absolute favorite is For Better or Worse, although he also likes Hagar the Horrible, Shoe, Beetle Bailey and any other classic 80's comic. (except Cathy; he doesn't really like her. Not that anyone does). But today he started the most awesome conversation with me.
Him: You know, if it wasn't for September 11th, I'd have my vicky robot vest by now.
Me: What's a vicky robot vest?
Him: It's red and white and plastic. It's the control panel.
Me: Yeah, but who's Vicky?
Him: She's a small wonder.
Me: Are you talking about the old tv show, Small Wonder?
Him: Yeah!
Me: Wow, Joe. That's a pretty old show. She wore a red dress, right?
Him: No, it was a pinafore.

This conversation went on for about 5 minutes, with him grilling me for everything I could remember about the show, which unfortunately is summed up in the above lines. And that even at the age of 13, which according to IMDB is how old I was when it hit the airwaves, I thought it was stupid. But I love how excited he gets about things like that. I wonder if he ever watched Out of This World?

Mary Weiss. Dangerous Game. Buy it now.

2007-04-04T09:53:00.000-04:00

This album rocks! Mary Weiss was the singer of the Shangri Las and this is a solo record, 40 years in the making. She's backed by the Reigning Sound and most of the songs are written by them. So good. So good. Buy it now!

Not too cool then, not too cool now

2007-04-02T19:15:00.000-04:00

I actually started this entry a year ago, after reading DF's entry about great concerts he's attended. I started compiling my own mental list. Taking stock of the shows, good and bad, has been entertaining on its own.

First, I had an endless series of shows when I lived in San Francisco. My roommate worked for the Warfield Theatre and got me a permanent position as an usher. After about a month and a half of ushering random shows not of my choosing, I was able to sign myself up for whatever show I wanted. It was pretty great because I would usher for the opening act and then during the first song of the headliner someone would come around and cut you for the night, give you 2 free drink tickets and you were able to go wherever you wanted to watch/enjoy the show. One interesting twist was the bonus you got for ushering either heavy crowd control shows (any heavy metal or rap) or a majority of the multiple night shows- mainly Jerry Garcia/David Grisman, who would play 7-9 shows in a row. No matter how big a fan you may be, any band for nine nights straight is too much. The reward for doing these shows was free tickets to the show of your choice at other SF venues. So for example, anything at the Cow Palace or Slim's, etc. With the heavy crowd control shows, I would always try to do them if there were other shows coming up that I wanted to see. This is what led me to usher one of the first shows on my list.

Gwar at the Warfield Theatre, SF 1992: Among close friends, I am known to have virtual heart palpitations when around too many costumed things. Kiss gave me terrible nightmares as a child and I nearly cried when my dad took me to Universal Studios when I was 16. So as a 19-20 year old Midwestern girl, I spent the evening nearly shitting myself in fear, nothing but a Mini MagLite coming between me and certain destruction. "Clear the aisles please."

Haunting Souls at Canal Street Tavern, Dayton, OH 1995: I scarcely recall a single song, but it was the experience that mattered. Jamy Holiday was the ideal rock and roll front man, their shows overflowed with energy. Plus, I 'll always love Jamy for starting a fight with some stupid U Dayton frat guys when they called me a dyke, temporarily getting all of us banned from the Walnut Hills.

Brainiac at any number of venues in Ohio 1994-1996: Some of the best live shows I'll ever see. Bonsai Superstar is still one of my favorite records of all time.

The Sugarcubes & The Primitives at Bogart's in Cincinnati 1990:
I was a senior in high school and I loved the Sugarcubes with a huge passion. When I read about Bjork going on Icelandic TV "obscenely" dressed and obscenely pregnant, I was sold.

The Sundays at The Warfield 1993: I loved the album Reading, Writing and Arithmetic, but was truly surprised to discover that their sound translated very well live. Rollicking and almost disco-y at times, but in a good way. At one point, the theatre was just silent, when Harriet was singing with only guitar accompanying her. It was pretty surprising.

Pearl Jam/Nirvana/Red Hot Chili Peppers at the Cow Palace in SF December 31, 1991:
This ended up being probably the best overall show I ever saw. First, I was 19 years old, obsessed with Nirvana's Bleach and completely in awe at my luck getting free tickets to this show. Pearl Jam was popular, but still new-ish. RHCP were hugely popular; the era of Flea being suspended upside down as a show opener. But Nirvana had just hit #1 with Smells Like Teen Spirit and were on fire. I went with one of my roommates and we lost each other almost immediately. I was too young to drink, but not too young to do anything else. I remember the crowd was like a wave; I just got sucked in and pushed further in and forward until I was eventually on the edge of a testosterone fueled mosh pit. It was filled with shirtless, sweaty young guys marching in circles and jumping around. At the end of the set when they went into Territorial Pissings it became so frenzied that I was pushed and knocked over and I went down fast. I was totally freaked out when suddenly a hand just reached down and literally plucked me up from the floor. After the show I never did find my roommate. I ended up hitching a ride back to Oakland with some random weirdos I met in the parking lot. So worth it.

Guided By Voices at the Dayton Voice Music Awards 1994:
This was held at a little supper club on the north side of town. My old band, Walaroo, was playing, along with Cage, Oxymorons, Pastures Green and GBV. I'd seen GBV many times, in really small settings around town and they usually ended in a drunken puddle on the stage. This night was no different. The stage was only about 12 inches off the floor, but that didn't stop Bob from falling off. The best part was the actual awards show after the music. I don't think GBV was actually getting an award (from the "prestigious" Dayton Voice free weekly, which was a very new paper). However, The Ohio Players and Zapp and Roger were getting awards and the guy accepting the award for the Ohio Players did not fail to impress. I have no idea which band member he was, but I'm pretty sure he was the only one who showed up. He was wearing a floor length fur coat and a fedora, full on Huggy Bear style. It was one of those moments when you completely know that you are seeing something that needs to be seen by everyone.

The Knitter's at Slim's in SF 1992: The picture is actually X, not the Knitters. When I saw them I had been mourning their break up for a few years and I was convinced that I would never, ever see them play them live. I was into them in high school, in central Ohio; not exactly full of opportunities to see X play live. So when I found out they were playing at Slim's with Tony Gilykson replacing Billy Zoom, I was excited, albeit a little disappointed about Mr. Zoom's absence. My disappointment didn't last long though. They were everything I hoped for and more. The big fat negative memory of the evening was the horrible food poisoning I got from the diner food I ate that night.

Pavement and Guided by Voices at Southgate House, Kentucky 1994:
It was like Mecca for indie kids in 1994. Fantastic show. My whole band went down in our van and we brought a couple of friends with us. One of our friends discovered the hard way when he takes a bunch of mushrooms, he just may end up on the side of the freeway on his hands and knees, throwing up with his pants around his ankles. Our sympathy was expressed through hysterical laughter.

good, bad and pretty ugly

2007-04-01T23:02:00.000-04:00

For some reason I started thinking about all of the jobs I've held in my life, and there have been a few. It's probably on my mind because I'm being underutilized in a giant bookstore, but I'm not currently willing to commit myself to other, more challenging endeavors. I decided to make an actual list of every job I can remember. It's something that I'd recommend you all do. It's kind of depressing, but in a funny way. There are always worse jobs that we could have had and I'm sure some of you had much worse ones than I did.

Obsoive:

High School

Babysitter

Judy’s Ice Cream

TCBY

Photographer’s model

Calligrapher

Nantucket

Baker

Chambermaid

Chocolate shop counter person

House cleaner

Florida

Cashier at Cracker Barrel

California

Political canvasser

Day care center worker

Theatre usher

USDA guinea pig*

Retail at a clothing boutique

Private cook

Bricklayer

Dayton

Cook

Record store clerk

Baker

Music magazine contributor

Country club garde manger

Home baker

Cook

Kitchen manager

Bank teller

Columbus

Bookseller

Book buyer

Worker’s comp data entry

Worker’s comp intake manager

Worker’s comp claims specialist

New York

Chocolate maker

Pastry cook

Ice cream maker

Catering company pastry cook

Home baker

Kitchen manager

Assistant office manager

Event planner

Event company sales rep**

Catering chef

Non-profit radio documentary company intern

Bookseller

Baker

*on paper, the worst gig

** in reality, absolute rock bottom

and I, am Tumble Bumble

2007-03-27T19:26:00.000-04:00

Today at work, I got a quiet and polite "excuse me" and when I looked up, there was none other than Dan Zanes! I was a fan of the Del Fuegos back in the 80's and I really like the family albums he's put out in recent years, but any joy I may take in him or his music pales beside that of our nephew.

When he was around 2 years old he went through a series of names, meaning, he had decided that he was to be addressed by a new name. I seem to recall French Tape and Tumble Bumble being a couple of favorites for a while. A little after the Tumble Bumble era, the Dan Zanes era was ushered in. It was never that the kid didn't care for his own name, it seemed like it was more a matter of creativity and I guess, giving props to his favorite guy. For that matter, he has a framed photo of Jonathon Richmond in his bedroom.

So I mentioned to Mr. Zanes that he was quite a celebrity in our family and to my nephew in particular. And to my surprise, he pulled out a small piece of paper, wrote "Hello Rockin My Nephew's Name" and drew a little doodley picture of himself on it. Awesome. Considering that I've been casually stalking Dan Zanes around Brooklyn for the past 2 years after seeing him in passing multiple times, I am incredibly excited to finally meet him and get something cool for the little nephew.

got to git......eventually

2007-03-26T12:16:00.000-04:00

Like many New Yorkers, I occasionally feel claustrophobic and in need of clean, green space. For a couple of years now, Jamie and I have discussed where our next home could be. Last year we took a trip to the west coast and discovered that while we liked Portland, it didn't have enough to get us west of the Mississippi.

Recently the conversation came up between Marc, Jim, Jamie and I about moving and where to go. I'm beginning to hear some rumblings among more and more of our peers about the subject. But it seems like so many of the places have issues: either too hot (Memphis) or too cold (Minneapolis), too far (Portland) or not far enough (Jersey City). I like checking out the statistics of a town on Sperling's Best Places , but it seems like the comment posters are either bitter and ready to bolt from their town, or quite possibly shilling for the local Chamber of Commerce. Our priorities are still the same: the ability to be a one car family, low cost of living, available and appropriate jobs and that we be close enough to regularly visit our families, but not so close that anyone can drop in unannounced. This last one was made a little bit difficult with the move by Jamie's family back up to New Hampshire. Unless we were to live w-a-y north, there's no such thing as "easy" access to folks in New Hampshire. We're probably living as close as we will ever be to them at this point, and unfortunately, it's not too convenient to visit them without a car.

Currently, the list of towns is not very long, but not too shabby. Pennsylvania is turning out to be a strong contender based on location and cost of living. Pittsburgh and Philadelphia are both front runners in my imagination. Pittsburgh is quite close to my family and very affordable. It has a fairly strong non-profit sector thanks to all of the old philanthropic families and the weather is no different from what we basically grew up with. Philly is not quite as close to my family, but it's the most affordable big city around, while still being on the East coast. The cost of living and job market would both fall into our thumbs up column.
Lastly, there's always the weird little town of Asheville, NC. The job market there would probably keep it from being a real possibility, but it certainly seems like a lovely place.

Any other cities and towns you can suggest?

either the smartest dumb thing or the dumbest smart thing

2007-03-24T00:33:00.000-04:00

I'm a fan of Lost. I'm also a fan of trashy celebrity gossip. A month or so ago I told a coworker that Suri Cruise is the spitting image of Ethan Rom, the now dead Other from Lost (he kidnapped Claire, tried to kill Charlie and was ultimately killed by Charlie). So imagine my surprise when I recently saw a picture of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes with little baby Suri at what appears to be a basketball game. What I immediately noticed was the gentleman sitting in front of them. It was Ethan aka William Mapother aka Tom's first cousin!

When Tom and Nicole Kidman adopted their kids, no real mention was made about if the adoptions were for the sake of adopting or if they were unable to have children of their own. But with the recent speculation that Nicole is pregnant, I've decided that I have my own theory. They adopted because Tom couldn't have kids. When he and Katie got together, he convinced her to have "his" kid and Suri Cruise is actually the child of Katie and Ethan Rom from Lost! For that matter, maybe Juliet impregnated Katie Holmes!

Oh god, I need help.

these are a few of my favorite things

2007-03-06T21:24:00.000-05:00

Every day I get such a wide range of funny, inspired, occasionally ignorant questions from funny, inspired and occasionally ignorant customers. I try to make a mental note to tell Apes about it when I come home, but I often forget. I'm going to try to remember, if only to mention it here.

So far this week:
"Do you have a book on cabanas? Just pictures of people's cabanas?"
"I need a book on how to build a bomb shelter. You know, in case of a war."
"I'm looking for a book. I don't know the title or author, but I think it has the word {happiness, forget, love, the something and the something} in it."
"Where's the non-fiction?" This question is inevitably asked in an annoyed voice. The tone doesn't get any better when I have to explain to them that most of the store is non-fiction and I need more information, to which they usually reply, "No, the NON-fiction." Thankfully, this doesn't happen too frequently.
"Where is a book to help someone learn to read? No, not with words, just pictures. I told you, she can't read!"

March has become my Big Ben, Parliament

2007-03-02T10:30:00.000-05:00

This time last year I was getting ready to have surgery (in April) to find out why I was having such a hard time getting pregnant. Sometime in early March someone said to me "hey, if you got pregnant now, you'd have a Christmas baby!" And I realized at that moment, that it was the second year in a row that I had heard or thought that. Well, obviously the third time has rolled around and let me tell you, it's just as magical as the first 2 times.

So, as much as a Christmas baby sounds sweet and all that, here are some other potential holidays/birthdays that I can now look towards.

December 7th: National Cotton Candy Day
March 14th (3/14): Pi Day
First Friday in May: No Pants Day
June 23rd: National Hug a Cop Day
August 30th: National Toasted Marshmallow Day
September 19th: International Talk Like a Pirate Day
November 15th: America Recycles Day
November 5th: Guy Fawkes Day (vive la Weasel)

Come on, first Friday in May.

the roach coach is smoking

2007-02-27T22:23:00.000-05:00

This morning on the R train everyone cleared off at City Hall, as usual. There were only about 10-12 of us left, including a homeless guy sitting across from me. As soon as the train pulls out of the station I smell fire. I look up and the guy is sitting there lighting roach after roach after roach. Then he pulls out a whole joint and starts smoking that too! Within 2 stops the entire car smells like weed and when the train pulls into Canal Street and the doors open, smokes literally tumbles out the door. Wake and bake, indeed.

a series of weird and/or annoying events

2007-02-27T19:12:00.000-05:00

On Saturday night we collectively celebrated Jamie's birthday at Buffalo Wild Wings. After the glutton-fest was through a group of folks headed to O'Connor's. I had to work in the morning though, so Sweet Touch gave me a ride home, the sooner to put on my jammies and park it on the couch.

Shortly after getting home I hear a crash/thud in the kitchen, knowing it's the cat, but unsure what kind of trouble she's caused this time. Ah, the salt. She's recently become fascinated with my open salt cellar, so I've been keeping it hidden from sight. I apparently forgot to hide it though, because she has dumped about an entire cup of kosher salt all over the stove. gggrrrr. This is going to need the hose attachment on the vacuum, as it's far too much to sop up. But wait, a couple of weekends ago Jamie was looking for duct tape because he said the hose attachment had a leak and lost suction. Great, so now I have to fix the vacuum first.

The floor lamp next to the closet where we store the vacuum has a foot pedal on/off switch. I see kitty's favorite mousy toy on the floor in the near dark, next to the switch. I hit the on/off with my foot, hear a tremendous POP sound, see a ton of sparks and, shit!, what's that smell? SHIT! My pant leg is smoldering! Stupid cat chewed through the cord. Fuses have gone out in the whole house. Awesome. I put out my pants, flip the fuses, pull out the vacuum, and start to look into fixing it.

Turns out it isn't a leaking hose at all, it's the world's largest wad of kleenex in the hose. I get a very long, very sharp knife and start shredding it, eventually getting all of it out and successfully cleaning up the salt. stupid cat.

fuck guitar hero

2007-02-26T10:28:00.000-05:00

That's right. You heard me. The past 2 times it's shown up at parties (the Superbowl and more recently at Listmaker's birthday party-which was still an awesome party and happy birthday Listmaker!), I have been transported back to an era of teenagers sitting around staring at the tv screen while playing whatever video games were popular in the 80's. An experience I never actually had because I didn't hang out with kids who played video games, nor did I myself play them.

The thing is, it's a pretty entertaining game to watch others play, but only for about 15-20 minutes. Then it's just a sea of faces gazing at the television, not interacting with each other except to occasionally comment on the players' performances. I mean, the collective cheers, etc, are fun, but are no substitute for conversation. And it wouldn't be so bad for more than 15 minutes except that someone inevitably starts harassing me to get up and play. It's just about all the commitment I can muster to even watch my friends play! With the exception of playing Pong when I was 13 (about 10 years after it came out), I didn't play a video game until I was in my 20's. And by then I didn't really get it. Not to be a total dork, but I prefer pinball. And anyone who plays bocce with me can tell you how nervous I get under the pressure of that simple bar game! The last thing I'm going to do is get up in front 5-15 friends and play not just this video game for the first time, but any video game.

I don't care if anyone thinks I'm a total pussy. Even if they come up with a video game that simulates baking a beautiful, fluffy angel food cake, I won't want to play it. I don't like video games.

MomsRising.org

2007-02-22T21:05:00.000-05:00

There was an article in the NY Times about this organization called MomsRising.org. If you have a chance, please check out the article and the web site (or just the web site). It's a great grassroots organization that is doing increasingly important work for American women and families!

Gilmore arc is confusing at best

2007-02-20T22:30:00.000-05:00

Tonight's Gilmore Girls really felt like a return to something better; actually the past couple of episodes have seemed better. But then they show the clip for next week with Lane going in to labor and being wheeled in a bed through Stars Hollow and Jamie and I both just groaned. What the hell is wrong with those writers? Why can't they maintain some kind of plausible momentum for more than 2 or 3 episodes?

this one's for you, Mom

2007-02-20T21:25:00.000-05:00

My mom has always loved Tina Turner. She's been below the radar in recent years, but I just saw this picture of her and she looks fantastic! And she's 67 years old! Way to go Ms. Turner......

We can discuss here, just not with my dad

2007-02-19T11:28:00.000-05:00

My dad doesn't even know I have a blog, so hopefully he won't find this. I love him dearly, but he insists on sending me these outrageous, right-wing, utterly ridiculous rants that he gets from his Marine Corps pals. Other than just shake my head (and post it here), there is nothing to be done, in that I can't really discuss it with him. I tried a couple of times and even though he knows I completely disagree with him, he said that he felt he would not be doing his job as a father if he did not keep me "informed" about what was "really" going on. Eventually I learned to just ignore the emails, which are thankfully not too frequent.

Please pay special attention to the fact that this guy blames the Girls Gone Wild culture we live in on Bill Clinton's White House blowjobs. Doubtless, me favorite part of this whole thing. Enjoy! Oh, and the guy introducing the rant is not my dad, he was my dad's platoon leader on one of his Vietnam tours.

Dear friends, comrades, Patriots, brother Marines and Veterans of all branches of the military. Please read the following. I would ask that you too forward this to your friends, relatives and acquaintances and ask them to forward it to their friends, relatives and acquaintances etc.

We conservatives, patriots, Veterans must take a stand somewhere ...sometime.

Jim Cannon

Major USMC(Ret.)

Due to the thunderous applause that I received from the far-left over
the "I Am Tired" letter written by one of our troops in Iraq, I thought it
prudent to follow up with one last attempt to be very specific about what I
have observed and actually personally encountered during my 36 years of
service to this Great Country. Unlike Bob McClellan, I will not continue to
whine, twist and degrade our country's leaders on a weekly basis. Instead,
this will be a one time input attempting to reach some of those who are
confused by McClellan and his ilk's unethical rantings and give some insight
through my personal experience as a professional military officer over the
years. These examples are but a few. In real life there were many more which
space and time will not allow.
As a young fighter pilot, flying F-4s in Vietnam, I was stopped in my
tracks by the decisions made by Lyndon Johnson and Robert McNamara. I was
young and naive, but even then I knew their daily interference was wrong and
would not allow us to win this thing and go home. Decisions like not
allowing us to strike enemy aircraft while still on the ground, keeping real
targets off the target track, and allowing us to strike only rusted-out
trucks made us basically a toothpick factory. However, the big one for me
came the day I saw the President Lyndon Johnson on television, forcefully
lying to the American people. I'll never forget the language, "I want to
assure the American people that the United States of America has never, and
will never, bomb or use force inside the borders of Cambodia". On and on he
disavowed the reports that this was happening. I was amazed. Guess where I
had put several F-4 loads of 750 pound general purpose bombs every day for
the past five days. You guessed it, Cambodia!!! So much for Mr. Johnson. The
only question in my mind was simply, "Was it just Johnson or was it the
methodology of a particular political party?" I decided to delay answering
that question until more experience was gained.
Years passed, and I ignored politics as much as possible, as a good
military man should. Then came Jimmy Carter. Our young people don't remember
18% interest rates and 18% inflation, but I'll bet someone in your family
does. That is one really bad thing Carter did for our country, but it is not
the worst. During this period, I was an F-15 Squadron Commander, located at
Langley AFB, VA. Jimmy Carter and his democratic party stopped spare parts
procurement for almost every weapon system in our military, and diverted the
funds to social programs. The F-15 was brand new at the time with leading
edge technology designed to provide air superiority anywhere in the world on
a moments notice. That was my job. I loved it, but guess what? In a two year
period from 1979 to 1981, there was not one day when more than one-third of
my assigned aircraft were flyable It is amazing the lengths we went to in
those days, cannibalizing parts, expending twice the time and energy to fix
every little item, and still two-thirds of the birds were always broken
because of no spare parts. Had this country faced a really serious military
threat during that time frame, only Montana Hunters could have saved us. The
military had some equipment, but it was all broken. Do you want to know the
really bad part for me and the young fighter pilots working for me? Our
flying sortie rate was so low that pilot proficiency dropped to dangerous
levels. The accident rate tripled. That obviously was totally unacceptable,
as we were losing expensive airplanes and highly trained young pilots at a
rate comparable to losses seen in actual combat. All of a sudden, even a
Texas Aggie like me began
to see a trend.
Forward a few years to 1986. I am an F-16 Wing Commander at MacDill AFB,
Florida, and Ronald Regan is president. His change in attitude and policy
toward the military had time to fix the spare parts problem. We were flying
26,000 flying sorties per year out of MacDill AFB, my aircraft fully mission
capable rate (FMC) was above 90%, the aircraft accident rate was below 1.75
per hundred thousand flying hours, fighter pilots were flying and
proficiency levels were at an all time high. The United States Air Force was
ready to defend this Wonderful Country. Proof of the pudding is simple. Look
what the USAF, and the military in general, accomplished in Iraq during
Desert Storm. And, they did it in less than 100 hours. Yeah, at this point I
was starting to realize there was a difference in mentality between
Democrats and Republicans, or should I say, the Right and the Left.
Then, came everyone's favorite---Bill Clinton. If there ever was an
individual 180 degrees out of sync with the ideals and the values of the US
military, it was Clinton. He was a known draft dodger, military hating, self
absorbed, unspeakingly shameless and immoral individual, who the Left
managed to elect President of the United States of America. Clinton's antics
in the White House would have brought court martial, conviction, and
Dishonorable Discharge had he been a military member. We still suffer oral
sex on school buses, because the President told the world it wasn't real
sex, and some of our children believed him. It took a lot of years, but now
I became certain. There is a big difference in the right and the left on all
fronts, and for the first time I started feeling angry and shamed that the
majority of the American people were actually willing to vote for such an
individual.
Sometimes, an abstract such as the following tells the story in very
simple terms: Jane Fonda, Tom Hayden, Lyndon Johnson, Robert McNamara, Ted
Kennedy, Howard Dean, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Michael Moore, Tim
Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Nancy Pelosi, Barbra Boxer, John Kerry, Benedict
Arnold, and the list goes on. America, wake up. Giving in to the likes of
these people and Abraham Lincoln's prediction of destruction from within
just may come true. There is not a country in the world that can be
considered a conventional military threat to the United States today.
However, this country faces a new kind of threat---one that will not go
away. It is a threat even more serious than WWII, because money, industry
and technology will not defeat it. It is a threat of defeat from within. It
is a threat of a faltering economy because of a lack of resources, or the
even the simple threat of such a loss brought on by terrorism. It is a
threat created by the American people trusting the inept. It is a threat
created by the people wanting change, and perilously believing that the left
can successfully deliver that change. Have you seen anything from the left
that remotely resembles an answer to the Iraq situation? Have you seen
anything more than continued Bush-Bashing? Is that an answer? If there was
ever a need for a strong, well trained military, it is now. THE LEFT HAS
HISTORICALLY DISMANTLED OUR MILITARY IN THE NAME OF REDISTRIBUTION OF WEALTH
FAVORING SOCIAL PROGRAMS. We just cannot afford to
let that happen now. If we do, the entire country will be bowing to the east
several times a day within the next 50 years, maybe sooner.
Now a final thought meant to upset as many as possible on the far-left.
As you might guess, I don't believe in political correctness. So, let's look
at the facts, not far-left rhetoric attempting to empower the democratic
party.
Initially, I was not a George Bush fan. I am not even a Republican. I
normally vote Republican, because of my total despise of Communism,
Socialism and the far-left in this country. I am a Conservative. However,
during his watch, I feel President Bush just happened to stumble upon the
leading edge of the greatest threat this country has ever faced. Mistakes
have been made, because of the newness of the threat. Overall, the President
has done a superb job dealing with the threat, and at the same time held off
the constant ranting, raving, deceitful and malicious escapades of the
far-left attempting to regain political power. IF THERE WAS EVER A TIME THE
COUNTRY NEEDS TO COME TOGETHER
AND BACK OUR PRESIDENT, IT IS RIGHT NOW. WITHOUT CONSENSUS WE ARE EMPOWERING
THE TERRORIST!!!! The far-left is totally absorbed with the power struggle
and regaining control of congress. They could care less about defeating the
threat. It literally disgusts me to hear the constant disagreement with
everything the President tries to do, all in the name of trying to make him
look bad to the voters. Unfortunately, by the time the American people
really appreciate how bad the far-left really is, it may too late.
What are the real facts? On the home front this country's economy is the
strongest that it has been in my lifetime. Interest rates are as low as they
were when I was in high school forty years ago. Inflation does not exist for
all practical purposes. For you youngster's, please remember the Jimmy
Carter comments? The Dow is approaching 13,000. Unemployment is nonexistent.
Wages are at an all time high. Home ownership is at an all time high. Taxes
have been lowered to an almost acceptable level. Because of the surging
economy the deficit is under control and projected to go away far ahead of
schedule. The far-left is rich beyond its wildest dreams, so Mr. President
when are you going to "fix" all these domestic problems? Bob and George,
give me a break!!!!
On the war front this country has not been touched since 2001. I
remember being part of a seminar at the USAF War College in 1983 discussing
the terrorist threat. There were some good minds at that table and a lot of
disagreement. However, one common thought was that the US would be hit
within the next five years. Answers to the terrorist threat were just as
hard to come by then as they are now. Well, it took a little longer than the
projection, but the attack occurred. For an old military guy like me, the
main point here is that it has not happened again. We have suckered the bad
guys into entering the fight somewhere other than in our country. To hell
with political correctness. The President can't say this, but I sure can. I
smile every morning when I get up and realize that one of our great cities
has not been blown away. And, there is zero doubt in my mind that if we pull
out of Iraq prematurely, that will happen within a short period of time
after our departure. I don't care what you might think of President Bush
personally. He has done the best he can with what he has, and this country
is not smoking because of it. So, back off McLean and McClellan. You
honestly don't have a clue about what you are talking about. Call me, and I
will tell you what I really think.
I realize there are different points of view on war, and I do not
believe the meek will inherit the earth, at least not in the next few
hundred years. To those like McClellan, McLean, poor Eve Kyes and Sinowa
Cruz let me say, "This is a strong country!!!" It has survived the
uneducated thinking of the far-left before, and I'll just bet it will again.
Regardless of who is President, the people will not tolerate mass explosions
on a daily basis, as our good friends in Israel have been forced to do. To
protect that position of power, even Hillary will be forced to become a true
hawk. To guarantee a few more votes Ted Kennedy may be forced to begin
supporting a strong military. One more attack on America might even wipe the
giddy, 'I-am-finally-somebody' grin from Nancy Pelosi's face, and make her
realize that is not about votes and personal power. IT IS ABOUT PROTECTING
THIS GREAT COUNTRY FROM ALL ENEMIES, BOTH FOREIGN AND DOMESTIC.

Jimmy L. Cash, Brig. Gen., USAF, Ret

Joe Rogan v. Carlos Mencia Slapdown

2007-02-16T10:37:00.000-05:00

This video and it's aftermath is making it's way around the internet this week. I feel compelled to spread the gospel because I despise Carlos Mencia. Even without knowing the backstory (that Carlos Mencia is a well known bit stealer among comedians), I would not be too put out if was pushed under a bus. That said, he'll probably be pushed under a bus ala Lost and I will feel like shit. But anyone with half a brain can see that he sucks. I cringe any time the tv accidentally lands on his stupid Comedy Central show.

I am a huge fan of News Radio and as such, have a fondness for Joe Rogan, even though his character was the most weakly written on the show. But mostly I like that he is trying to expose Carlos Mencia (real name Ned!) for what he really is: an unfunny, uncreative little turd who skates by on other people's material. My favorite part is at the end of the video when Carlos says something like, "Do you know how hard it is to write jokes?" and Joe says something like "Yes, I do. But you don't!"

The unfortunate fallout from this whole thing is that Carlos Mencia managed to get Joe Rogan banned from the Comedy Store and dropped by their (shared) agent. The video is 10 minutes long, but worth watching. It's an interesting look into the world of stand up. Oh, and you can also read more about the fallout on Joe Rogan's website.

the week's most 5 finger discounted books

2007-02-15T16:10:00.000-05:00

There's always a fair amount of stealing going on in a store, but these are the most swiped books as of the past few weeks:

Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen (reserving your special place in hell)

The Master Cleanser by Stanley Burroughs (New Year's resolution purging)

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene (save money & gain importance by stealing)

It's No Secret by Carmen Bryan (for the baby daddy lover in everyone)

All of the Barefoot Contessa cookbooks (huh?)

best books ever

2007-02-15T12:09:00.000-05:00

Been reading a lot, as usual, thanks to the commute and job perks. I may have mentioned previously that I was getting ready to read the new Dave Eggers, What Is the What. I know a lot of people are turned off by him these days and I can understand why. However, this book is not like his others. It's shelved in fiction, but is actually a biography. Per 'journalistic standards' , he couldn't justify it being kept in bios because the conversations being quoted were not on tape. Of course, they are officially undocumented because the main guy in the book was a war refugee in Sudan, Ethiopia and Kenya. This book was incredibly good; so much that I was nervous about whatever book I would read next, dreading the letdown.

Lucky for me, the letdown didn't come because the next book I read was doubtless the best work of fiction I've read in years. It's called Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamonda Ngozi Adichie. It's a story about the Nigerian civil war as told from the perspective of a Biafran family. Definitely an epic type novel, it covers a place and time in history that I knew very little about. Please, please, please, if you only read one piece of fiction this year, let Half of a Yellow Sun be it.

nobody wants a charlie in the box

2007-02-15T10:56:00.000-05:00

Working in retail, a bookstore specifically, means that I work with a lot of overeducated people who cannot or will not function in a typical corporate environment (myself included on the environment part). Half of my coworkers are usually 15-45 minutes late every day. It gets very clique-y, resulting in over the top snubbings when there is a perceived slight. One woman spazzes out and cries whenever management requests she do something/anything.

But the most bizarre and entertaining of my coworkers is a man I work closely with every day. He is ostensibly a priest, in his mid-70's, but after about 2 months of getting to know him, I came to realize that whatever he may have been in an earlier phase of his life, he most certainly no longer is. He claims to be a priest, living in a convent in Chelsea. He says he is a medical doctor. He claims to have two academic PhDs (I'm not sure of the subjects). He arrives to work every day in a full habit. He is filled to the top with bitterness and drama, openly nursing unrequited crushes on straight men. And he happens to resemble Count Chocula. A lot.

He has some medical problems, namely Parkinson's, which lately has been getting more obvious and certainly more frustrating for him. Unfortunately, even with a genuine ailment, most everyone just humors him, since he daily says things like "I'll certainly be dead in a year" and "I don't have long to live". I've nicknamed him (to his face, of course) Fred, for Fred Sanford and started saying things like "Hold on Father, I'll go get Elizabeth". Of course, he isn't holding out for Elizabeth. His face lights up whenever the cute Chelsea boys come in to see him. That and our coworker that he has a h-u-g-e crush on. In the mornings when it's just Father and I, he talks about him non-stop. It's like being with a 13 year old girl, except weird and a little bit creepy.

So, for now, I'm naming the good Father my notable bookstore person of the week. I suggest that if you find yourself in Chelsea during the week, you stop by the religion section and take a look (animal in the zoo style?) at Count Chocula in the flesh.

in memory of Lulu the rat Sept. 2003-March 2006

2006-12-28T18:59:00.000-05:00

As the year comes to a close, I'm compelled to pay tribute to Lulu, our loving little rat who died in late March of this year. Lulu was a good pet to us and we loved her a lot. We'll miss her little chewing noises, while she ate and when she was particularly happy. Or the way she would climb up on the side bars of her cage when we came home from work, in order to better greet us. The way she sat on my shoulder while I crocheted. And especially the way she kept her sweet disposition, despite having to wear an rat sized Elizabethan collar after her tumor removal surgery.

So the next time you're up in the hilly, wooded area to the east of the long meadow in Prospect Park, Lulu will be there too, forever nibbling on dried fruit and lima beans, her favorites.

We finally got a tree!

2006-12-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday night, Jamie and I walked down to the CVS on 9th between 5th and 6th, picked out a beauty of a tree, loaded it onto the B63 bus, and took her home.

She's a lovely lass and so far the cat has only shimmied up her 9 or 10 times. Actually, there's a big open spot on one side where Ruthie has created a doorway of sorts.

on the nightstand

2006-12-22T10:29:00.000-05:00

I've been working at the Chelsea Barnes and Noble for the past 2 months and ,oddly, I really love it. I used to work for a smaller, regional bookstore in Ohio and I loved that too, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

One of the little perks is the ability to borrow any hard cover book to read. Here's a partial list of what I've read recently.

Female Chauvintist Pigs by Ariel Levy
I really liked this, but she wasn't saying anything that I wasn't already on board with. Basically, why do young women today dress and act like whores, but call it feminism? Girls Gone Wild world indeed.

Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcom Gladwell
I didn't really care for it. The Tipping Point was much more interesting.

Heat by Bill Buford
It got a little sluggish at points, but he's a good writer, so overall it was really good. My favorite part was when he travelled to Italy to train with a famous butcher.

The Nasty Bits by Anthony Bourdain
Always enjoyable. I read him blindly because he can do no wrong.

What Is the What by Dave Eggers
I couldn't put this down. It just floored me to realize that what reads as complete fantasy (how can life be so awful?), is actually complete truth.

Freakonomics by Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner
This was interesting, much like the Tipping Point.

The Way We Eat: Why Our Food Choices Matter by Peter Singer and Jim Mason
I'm currently reading this. I may end up eating 10% of my present meat consumption by the time I'm through.

Next up:
The Omnivore's Dilemma: A Natural History of Four Meals by Michael Pollan
The United States of Arugula:How We Became a Gourmet Nation by David Kamp

Suite Francaise by Irene Nemirovsky
She wrote these WWII set stories during the war before being killed in a concentration camp. They were more recently found.

Half of a Yellow Sun by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
This has been referred to as a sweeping fictional epic, ala Gone With the Wind, but set in Nigeria.

Curse of the Narrows by Laura McDonald
This is about the near total destruction of Halifax in 1917.

Mayflower: A Story of Courage, Community, and War by Nathaniel Philbrick
He wrote an amazing book about the whaling ship on which Moby Dick was based called In the Heart of the Sea.

Off the Books: The Underground Economy of the Urban Poor by Sudhir Alladi Venkatesh
This guy's research was extensively cited in Freakonomics.

So yeah, loads of good stuff out there; never enough time in the day. Any suggestions of other books I should check out?

shilling for diamonds

2006-12-21T12:45:00.000-05:00

Ugh. Has anyone else seen the new 'A Diamond is Forever' commercial where the guy goes in to his sleeping lady and places a fancy diamond earring on her because he loves her THAT MUCH? Diamond ads as a rule peeve me. Remember the one with the tool standing in the middle of an Italian piazza hollering "I love this woman"? What a turd. Earlier this year there was another diamond ad that had a Dusty Springfield song (What are you doing the rest of your life) and now this new ad has Cat Power doing a Cat Stevens song (How can I tell you). I think it troubles me more that Cat Stevens gave up his song than that Cat Power sings it for diamonds. Luckily the ads will stop running so frequently once the holidays are over and all of those last minute shopping guys have blown a bunch of cash on an artificially priced rock. Or three; for yesterday, today and tomorrow.

If we were landlords...

2006-12-12T14:21:00.000-05:00

Shit wouldn't get done. We are dreamers; not so good as getting the little, practical things done. And our landlords, who we love, are a lot like us. We've lived in this apartment for about 2 1/2 years and for that entire time our fridge has been leaking cold air, gathering condensation on the outside, humming so loudly that they (the landlords) have complained about the noise of it in their apartment downstairs and generally pissing Jamie off with the wastefulness. And also for this time, our landlords have probably mentioned at least 5 times that they are buying us a new fridge. And today, out of the blue, the guy landlord called and wants to know if he can give Lowe's our number so we can schedule the delivery of our brand new fridge! Merry Christmas indeed.

ok, just one more thing

2006-12-12T00:19:00.000-05:00

At the risk of offending fans of Gilmore Girls and many women and men in general, it has to be said: I miscarried during Gilmore Girls. During the show that once was my favorite program, but has sucked more than I thought possible this past season. Is it possible that the supreme suckiness of Gilmore Girls contributed to this? Should I hold the new writers and their ridiculous elopement plot accountable? Damn you, absent Sherman-Palladinos!

disjointed

2006-12-11T21:47:00.000-05:00

I am pretty sensitive, but I'm also pretty practical. I refuse to allow myself to fall apart or dwell too much on losing this baby. It was out of my hands and, beyond the neccessary grieving, I'm not helping myself or Jamie. Tonight I got a little upset and cried for a few minutes. Just cried about how it feels like a dream. Like maybe it was all a dream and I never was actually going to have a baby. But then I see the maternity pants that my mom gave me, that I never even wore and I know it really happened. I feel frustrated that I never was able to really get comfortable and settle in to being pregnant. Do you ever get to do that or are you always worried about having a miscarriage?

That said, here's the one incident that occured where I didn't really hold my shit together too well. At work last week, a coworker had just learned about the miscarriage. Not to be too judge-y(I'm lying), but she's about 39-40 years old, recently moved here from Florida (born and raised) with waist length hair. I don't know if you know people from Florida, but I can barely contain my skeevies around Floridians. Who in the world would choose to live in a place like that? Hot, humid, full of idiot college students, retirees, trailer parks and people who couldn't cut it in real states. But I digress. So upon learning what happened, she said "how far along were you?" and I said "9 weeks" and she said "well that's good at least". I then said "Oh really? What's so good about it? That when I held it in my hands in my bathroom, my husband and I couldn't see the expression on it's face?" Um, yeah. So I snapped. Whatever. It was bound to happen eventually.

We've really appreciated all of the emails and calls we've received from our friends, all the more so with the understanding that there is nothing good to say at times like these. And all of our friends have managed to say exactly what we needed to hear; that they are sorry because it is sad. And in a weird way, I'm grateful that my miscarriage happened the way it did. It was over quickly and completely, after 5 days. For that, I'm eternally grateful. The sooner to move forward, I suppose.

So thank you.

it came apart, it will come back together

2006-11-22T17:30:00.000-05:00

So, unknown to most, Jamie and I were expecting a kid. Based on the first ultrasound, which still hangs on the fridge, we'd taken to calling it "Dot". My pregnancy was going along pretty well. No morning sickness, just utter exhaustion and sore boobs. But for some reason, I don't know if I ever did commit myself to it entirely, mentally. I don't know if I trusted it, I guess. It took me so long to get pregnant, I don't think I could quite believe it at first. But over the past few weeks, I really started to embrace it, as much as I could. I guess tempered with a healthy dose of realism.

On Monday I woke up feeling crappy, had a cold. Then I started bleeding, lightly. I called my doctor. By the time Monday night rolled around, the bleeding was fairly steady and not as light. They sent me to a place Tuesday morning to have a sonagram. Despite the ongoing bleeding, my worst fears weren't realized. Surprisingly, not only was I still pregnant, but I could see how much the little thing had grown since the last ultrasound and, even better, I could see the heartbeat and it was strong and healthy. So, I came home and talked to my doctor again. He scheduled me to come in to the office Wednesday morning (today).

Then late yesterday afternoon the bleeding got worse. Around 7:30 I started having contractions and by 9pm, I was no longer pregnant. I think I've spent more time in my not so tidy little bathroom in the past 24 hours than I ever thought possible. But never in a million years did I envision standing in my bathroom, holding an embryo in my hand. An embryo which I then had to put in a bag and take to the doctor with me, for potential chromosome testing.

I'm an emotional person and the hormonal stuff that's been going on certainly doesn't make it easier, but I do have a sense of tranquility about this. I know that if this specific kid was meant to be, I would have carried it to term. I'll be grateful when the immediate nature of this fades a bit; when the physical pain stops and I can start thinking about it from a different angle, instead of constant twisting in my gut, sharp pains and having to wear what I can only describe as a ladydiaper.

For an added layer of wierdness, yesterday was our 3rd wedding anniversary.

Home to Ohio

2006-11-20T00:18:00.000-05:00

Jamie and I went to Ohio last week to visit my family and celebrate my grandma's 80th birthday. At the party, one of her oldest friends, Bea, came and they caught up with each other. Bea is 96 years old and rather fiesty. The Amish restaurant where we ate had each place set with a different flavor of pie. Upon sitting down, Bea pulled a "What in the world could that be?", pointed in the opposite direction, and swapped her pie for someone else's. Love it! My grandma is the lovely silver haired lady on the right.

Later, Grandma and I did a StoryCorps interview.

And these are my parent's dogs. For perspective, the "little" dog in the second picture is actually a 60 pound standard poodle.

Heather's Halloween Birthday Bash!

2006-11-06T22:49:00.000-05:00

After putting out a woman's flaming hair. Hallelujah!

Super Conductor & the Rev.
Everyone's favorite EskiHo.
Father Referee, Professor Chaos & H.I. McDonough.

Arlo & Lobstie

2006-11-03T13:43:00.000-05:00

I was a sensitive child

2006-11-03T12:36:00.000-05:00

When I was a little girl, I watched Snoopy Come Home one night when it came on tv. I think I was about 4 years old. If you don't remember the plot of that one, it was basically that Snoopy found out that his original owner, before Charlie Brown, was sick and he decided to go to her. So he left Charlie Brown. Charlie was really, really sad. And I was inconsolable, hysterical actually. I couldn't believe Snoopy could do that to poor Charlie Brown.

So right now on Cartoon Network, they are showing Race For Your Life, Charlie Brown. It's based around the Peanuts gang being in a raft race at summer camp when a big storm causes them all to get lost, thinking the others are hurt or dead. Snoopy and Woodstock have their own raft and they get sent ass over teakettle, losing each other. At one point during the storm, it looks like they are both going to drown. I remember seeing this one when I was closer to 9 or 10; old enough to not take it so seriously. But I don't really think I can be comfortable with any little, little kid of mine watching a movie where everyone almost drowns and gets stranded in the woods!

filled with rage

2006-11-03T12:32:00.000-05:00

So I went to the Post Office on 9th Street. Get in line. 25 minutes later, only one customer has been moved ahead. They only have 2 windows open. There are about 14-15 people in line, 5 of which are ahead of me. After 25 minutes of standing there, this employee starts yelling through the plexiglass at me. "Miss, Miss. There's no dogs here"(Arlo was with me). It took everything I had in me not to say, "no, you fucking moron. Obviously there is a dog here. You're looking at him, you uneducated, power hungry douchebag.". But instead I mumbled " I hate this fucking place", to which another line stander responded "Amen to that."

really? jason biggs?

2006-10-19T15:14:00.000-04:00

watch less tv

2006-10-01T18:23:00.000-04:00

Whipping Shitties

2006-09-21T22:13:00.000-04:00

Since my mom's family is Southern and my dad's is from southern Ohio, it's a minor miracle that I don't sound like a complete hillbilly every time I open my mouth to speak. But having grown up all over the US and overseas, meeting people from every corner of America, I've always been cued in to and fascinated by regional dialects. My cousins in Alabama always made fun of me for saying "pop" to their "co-cola", a term that I'll always use, no matter how far I am from Ohio.

A while ago I was trolling around looking up dialectology on the web and I came across a
linguistics survey that is incredibly thorough and really cool. It took over an hour to do, but the results were interesting and it's well worth the time. The survey was originally done in 2001 and those results are available, broken down by state if you'd like.

A couple of my favorites include:
What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?
One option: The devil is beating his wife.

What do you call the activity of driving around in circles in a car?
One option: Whipping shitties.

Apparently that term is more common to Minnesota. So, if you've ever wondered who uses the term Irish shower, French bath, whore's bath, etc, you should give it a whirl. Or a whirlygig. Or a helicopter.

Please please please

2006-09-16T11:51:00.000-04:00

So in recent months, I've been struck by a case of the giggles every time I see or think about the Oregon State Lottery logo. I think it may be my very favorite state lottery logo.

Some state lottery logos try to evoke the bucolic nature of the state itself (Maine, Minnesota). Many have changed their name or logo in recent years to reflect that it's an education lottery (North and South Carolina, New Hampshire has graduation caps being tossed in theirs).

And then there are my personal favorites, those that perhaps have a tagline or just an awesome design. My very favorite logo is Oregon's. It's simple and to the point. My second favorite has to be Texas because it evokes the rootin' tootin' good time you'll have, probably with guns, when you win the Texas lottery. Third in line is Ohio and not just because it's my home state. I love the Odds Are, You'll Have Fun tagline. I was hoping to find the actual NY lottery logo with the occasional tagline we hear on commercials, the "Hey, you never know", said by that guy with the casual, almost lazy voice. And pulling up fourth would be the Virginia logo. It's a lot like the Oregon logo, but makes good use of the V in Virginia.

Pickles!

2006-09-16T11:06:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure how it snuck up on me this year, but tomorrow is the 6th International Pickle Day, complete with a street fair hawking everything pickled! Oh man, my mouth waters just thinking about it. Last year, I tried and became a devotee to a Pickled Lime and Ginger condiment from Kalustyan's. Diced and mixed with plain jasmine rice, it has become my go-to meal for every day.

So if you like pickles of all kinds ( I personally am a Pickle Guys girl.................Smells Great, Tastes Better), kimchi in all forms, pickled beets, eggs, asparagus, cauliflower, watermelon rind, make your way to Orchard Street between Broome and Grand. It runs from 10am-4:30 pm. It's also right by the LES Farmer's Market and a stone's throw from the Doughnut Plant and Kossar's Bialys. I know I'm certainly not the only one who believes this, but Kossar's, the Doughnut Plant and the Pickle Guys are the trifecta of New Yorkiness in my opinion.

Jake the Snake!

2006-07-30T12:10:00.000-04:00

This article is about a friend of mine from my hometown. When we were in high school there used to be a toy store we would drive to in Columbus, a magical toy store that was open either all night or just ridiculously late, where he would buy these. I remember one time when we went there were a ton of them in the sale bin, just piled on top of each other (rather appropriate really). His eyes lit up and he practically started shivering with the anticipation. I always had a soft spot for Mankind and we frequently imitated him.

It's nice to see the collection in all its glory ( in the background of the picture).

Asbury Park is the place to go

2006-07-23T16:08:00.000-04:00

Me, Jamie, Marc and Jim took a trip in June to Asbury Park, NJ to celebrate the birthdays of our friends Shawn and Chris. If you've never been, run to Asbury Park! It was so much fun. Definitely the best weekend trip I've taken.

The highlight was Asbury Lanes, a great old bowling alley with a low stage built over the center lanes for bands to play on. The finest alley I've ever been to. I believe it was 12 bucks, including shoe rental, a great ball selection (unlike Melody Lanes) nice bar and one of the best DJs I've ever heard. 50's and 60's girl groups, 60's and 70's obscure R & B and the occasional GBV. One of the bands playing was called BreakUpBreakdown and I thought they were really good. Especially considering they were playing with the crash of strikes and spares all around them.

One of the kickers of Asbury Lanes specifically is that the city of Asbury Park is actually trying to use eminent domain to give them the boot. I'm not sure if Asbury Park realizes it, but that bowling alley is without a doubt the coolest thing in that town. sigh.

So here are a few pictures:

An unfortunate shot taken while I was figuring out the shutter speed. Unfortunately hilarious.

You can kind of see the stage on the right:

Asbury Lanes:

Asbury Lanes, "Bowl Where you see the Magic Triangle":

The old movie theatre, abandoned like so much of AP:

Balgavy seemed to be having a good time too:

The Wonder Bar, where the all lesbian Led Zeppelin cover band, Lez Zeppelin, was playing:

The Convention Center:

HoJo's in Asbury Park, under renovations:

Do Not Bug

2006-07-23T15:27:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I have gotten over a dozen phone calls from "Out of Area" with no number shown (we have Caller ID). Naturally I haven't answered these calls, although I was curious about what annoying telemarketer kept phoning, despite our registration on the Do Not Call list. So this afternoon I was washing dishes and the phone rang yet again. This time I decided to answer it, just to get them to stop calling. Unfortunately, in the process of getting to the phone, I stepped on Arlo and kicked the crap out of Ruthie. Sorry guys.

And who was on the phone? The Police Benevolent Association. And because they are a charity, they don't have to pay any attention to the Do Not Call list. Gggrrrrr. They called 2 different times last year and both times I told them to remove me from their list. I asked the guy today if they've been calling me all weekend and he said that, yes, they are calling people within my number range this weekend. I asked him if they will remove a person's number when asked to do so. He said absolutely. I informed him that I have twice requested that they stop calling me and I am requesting it again. And he immediately, wordlessly hung up on me.

I always get the icky feeling that I am going to be harrassed by the police or arrested for jaywalking (virtually impossible in NYC) because I don't want to support the PBA. In the midwest everyone has those stupid PBA stickers on their cars, totally believing it'll keep them from getting pulled over or that they'll be let off easy if they are pulled over. But just like those ridiculous (and fabulous!) Ziggy stickers you get in the mail courtesy of the March of Dimes (is that the one?), they mail you the PBA stickers unbidden. So what's to stop someone from just slapping the stickers on their car even though they don't donate any money?

Thank God I don't actually drive in this town. They probably have some big list somewhere with the names of people like me on it. Sassmouths who keep F*#k tha Police queued up at all times, just waiting for the PBA to call.

Addendum:
Just saw this. Looks like the myth of the PBA was just that.